HA!

CHAMPIONSHIP DAY: Running Diary

Here's a running diary of the championship game because I'm crazy.  Also at Hill's house is Hemrick, Mintz and their friend G also the trophy, El Grand Sandwich, and some champagne.  Enjoy.

102pm Chris hill let's out his first CORDELLE!!! after a big return

1;05 matt cassel sucks and fumbled.  Red Tom Brady is set up inside the 10.  A chance for the first td

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK: The Match-up Breakdown

We're only two days away from The Big Game.  Ahead of this weeks match up, let's take a look position by position at who may have the edge on Championship Sunday and who may be hoisting El Grande Sandwich, when all is said and done:

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK: 'Came'-ron yo face!/Dez Nutz

We reviewed how Mike got to the finals, now let's take Chris.  His season was a pretty smooth ride with only drama being whether he'd get the bye or not.  Now the questions is, can he be first to get his name on this bad boy for a 2nd time:

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK: Red Headed Step Child

Despite a draft that yielded jack and crap in the first two rounds, Mike Mintz finds himself one win away from hoisting this bad boy:

Let's see how Mintz got here:

Looks fine to me....

This Should Make Matt/Sean Feel Better

Don't worry guys, the NFL has said the hit on the Bengals punter that broke his jaw was illegal!

That fixes everything!!!

Wait, no it doesn't.  But at least you can say you should've been in the finals.

CHAMPIONSHIP WEEK: The Waiver Wire

Everyone knows the waiver wire is where championships are won and lost.  In advance of this week's showdown, Mike Mintz and Chris Hill both reinforced their rosters.

(ed note: a previous version of this post was made but that was before all the waivers actually went through)

RED HEADED STEP CHILD:
Added: Emmauel Sanders, Jared Boykin

With Larry Fitz concussed and facing Seattle, Mintz decided to boost his WR corps ahead of this championship matchup.  Sanders' Steelers and Boykin's Packers actually play each other this week.  If Aaron Rodgers gets cleared to play, Boykin could be a nice addition for Mintz.  Boykin has run hot and cold, with some big weeks and then disappearing in others.  The Steelers pass defense can be had though, so Boykin could be valuable.

Same could be said for Sanders.  The Steelers only have two WRs and a decent TE.  It the game turns into a shootout, Sanders could get 8-10 targets easy.  As it stands now he gets about 5 catches per game.  Seems like he could be a safe option, but Boykin would be high risk, high reward option.

CAME-RON YO FACE!:
Added: Delanie Walker, Kirk Cousins

Let's go to Chris Hill for the block!  Thinking Mintz could use a quarterback, w/ Carson Palmer facing Seattle, Hill picked up Kirk Cousins.  I guess he also thought Mintz needed a TE?  Not sure what to make of Delanie Walker.  He kind of stinks.  And Mintz has Witten so it can't be a block, can it?  Is Hill losing faith in the Came-ron?  Perhaps his confidence is shaken due to the Mintz head games.

Semi Finals Recap

Ok I promise that this will be the first post in a week that doesn't include Kevin McAllister looking disgustedly at a picture of someone in Sandwich Fest.  Promise.  Instead, lets look back at a semi final that has one huge upset and one slugfest.

First, the slug fest.  Below is a gif of the illegal play that gave Chris Hill the win and sent him to his 4th championship game in 5 years.

Just to clarify, you are allowed to block a punter on a punt return.  You are not allowed to break his jaw with the crown of your helmet.  It was an obvious call and a missed call and the 8 points scored on it flipped this matchup.

Prior to that, Matt/Sean got everything they could've hoped for.  Desean Jackson and Josh Gordon got some GTP.  Eddie Lacy went off against the Cowboys.  Amendola was Brady's favorite target with Gronk out.  They had two reaches though and neither came through: Jason Campbell and the Philly D.  But watching red zone, it seemed they had done enough.

Except Hill had other ideas.  The Cut started off pretty terribly, but one Hail Mary to Alshon Jeffrey really turned his day around.  The Cowboys, for all the choking they did, did build up a big lead thanks to Murray and Dez Bryant.  Bryant had the decency to score 32 points before pouting his way back to the locker room.

Aside from Antonio Brown's dubious TD, defense was the difference in a matchup this close.  Carolina against the Jets and their turnover prone QB out scored Philly by 17 points and was actually the difference in this close close match.  Matt/Sean still have a chance to cash in on third place.

The whole season I was trying to reconcile that Hemrick could win it all with players from two teams.  I thought there has to be week where they have tough matchups or one of the QBs gets hurt.  Well, this week proved it was bound to happen but we'll get back to him in a moment.

First, let's make sure we give proper due to Mike Mintz, who advances to his first finals as a Sandwich Fest manager.  I was worried about his running backs, but not only is Pierre Thomas Captain Check-down, but when you get 54 points from your kicker and defense, who needs running backs?  We touched on his luck Thursday night, with Keenan Allen catching only two balls and Rivers completing only 12 passes, but that Allen still had 2 TDs.  Well that Thursday was a foreshadowing of the rest of this match.  There were no breakout performers, but it didn't matter.  He put up just under 180 points which shows he has a chance to win it all.

Although Mintz put up a great score, his highest of the year, lets all take a moment to reflect on what happened to our regular season champ (no trophy for that) in his first playoff game.  As I mentioned on Friday, a 38 year old QB, late in the season, on two bad ankles and only 3 days rest, is not a good combo for his weapons.  They also leaned heavily on Monte Ball, probably due to the short week.

And Detroit, I have no idea what happened there.  At home against an average defense, you'd think they would've moved the ball.  But apparently Matt Stafford is a piece of shit that chokes in primetime.  And who would've though Megatron would drop 3 passes, 2 of which may have led to long touchdowns.  He did diversify a bit, sitting Reg Bush in favor of Steven Jackson, who did pretty well, but not well enough to overcome the shit (literally fecal matter) the rest of his roster produced.

His lowest score of the year came in the most important game.  The dream of back to back is dead.

Cool Ipad Kevin!

I think we all feel this way Brown...

Woof

We be movin' on! - Lets Dance

Thursday Implications - Flames v Red Head

Thursday had some big implications on one of the semi final matchups.  Let's take a look.

Thursday night is a shitty night to play football.  Especially in Week 14 and especially with a 38 year old quarterback with two bum ankles.  This cost Hemrick big time as the Broncos had their worst offensive game of the year, and his 3 Broncos failed to average even 10 points.

Mike Mintz had the other end of the matchup with Rivers and Keenan Allen.  Unfortunately for Mintz, the Chargers controlled the game on the ground with Rivers throwing only 20 passes and completing 12 of them, and Keenan Allen only had two catches.  Fortunately for Mintz, both those catches were TD passes from Phil Rivers.  Add some return yards for Allen and no INTs for Rivers and he got a very respectable 35 points.

This doesn't sink Hemrick.  He still has plenty of talent and I'm skeptical of Mintz's running backs.  But it's pretty much the best start Mintz could've hoped for.

Also, I updated this:

In the other matchup, Hill got 9 points from his kicker.  I guess that's pretty good.  That was the only player going in that one.

Here is hoping Hemrick loses this week....

Semi Final Playoff Preview

With, Denver vs San Diego tonight, there's plenty of implications so best to get this out today:

The biggest Thursday implications are in this game.  Three Broncos for Flames.  Two Chargers for Mike.  Thursday night games are notoriously sloppy, but both these offenses should move the ball, so expect a lot of points.  Welker is out, so more targets could be had for Decker and Thomas.  In the short week though, you have to wonder if Moreno gets as many carries as normal.  Unless the Broncos are just really off their game, you have to think Hemrick takes this match pretty easily.  Detroit should move the ball at home vs Baltimore and Mintz' RB's are pretty weak.  Plus I don't love Palmer on the road.

This should be a tight one.  Lacy is hoping Amendola takes some of those Gronk targets while Hill slots in Patterson and his return yards for the injured Welker.  Both teams have powerhouse RB tandems and two studs at WR.  I'd give the edge to Lacy due to their QB matchups.  Houston has been bad, but their pass D is actually pretty good still.  Cleveland's D has been good as well.  Meanwhile, no one expected Jason Campbell to get a start at any point this year, but he's been playing well and the Bears D stinks.  Same goes for Matt Ryan vs Wash.  But both rosters are in good shape and it could come down to a defense having a big game for one of these guys.

PREDICTIONS:
Flames 183.65 def Red Headed Step Child 134.52
Lacy In Your Facey 172.89 def Came-ron Yo Face 170.14

Everyone see this story this morning ?

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/deaf-interpreter-nelson-mandela-memorial-fake-officials-article-1.1544251

Playoff Recap - Wild Card Round

First of all, those 1 o'clock snow games were a lot of fun to watch.  It fucked up fantasy a bit and all my Fan Duels, but any game played in 8 inches of snow is a hoot if you ask me (maybe not if you ask Bry and Scott).  The first round of the playoffs are complete and since there's only two games, I figure, why not bang out a quick recap.

Congrats to Mike Mintz on advancing to the semi finals and a date with Flames.  Carson Palmer and RIvers didn't let him down, even as Red Tom Brady had a good day on his bench.  Fitz, Allen and Marshall, the strength of his team all came through and made up for his lack of a running game.  A solid week was enough to beat a lackluster opponent and get him into the semis.

Bry has fallen, leaving only two players left trying to become our first two-time champ. Bry, who at one point was 7-1 and on top of the world, is one and done.  Let's see what went wrong.  First off, AP got hurt in the 2nd quarter, not good.  He believed in the Ladarius Green hype, which was risky with Gates still around, but necessary with his TE situation in shambles.  Roddy White for Percy Harvin really stretched his depth, forcing him to play James Jones sans Rodgers.  All this led to a nice fisting by the Mintz man.

The favorite in this match was Matt/Sean and they didn't disappoint, winning easily to force a matchup with Came-ron Yo Face.  They have two bona fide studs in Gordon and McCoy.  If they get anything out of their QBs this week, or any week, they are dangerous.  Along with Gordon and McCoy, Lacy, Davis, and Jackson could all go off at any moment, and they have Amendola on their bench, who should see more targets with Gronk out.  But those QBs....

Scott more than anyone got hurt by the weather.  It took Foles a half to figure it out and kept Torrey Smith from going deep.  None of his players did much aside from that.  Stacy had a tough matchup, Olsen had 8 catches but no TD, Kendall Wright who had been a PPR machine got nothing on Thursday night, and Victor Cruz, let's face it, was a huge disappointment after about Week 3.

Scott and Bry, congrats on making the playoffs and have fun being like the rest of us, on the sideline acting like we're actually pretty good at fantasy football and just needed a break here or there.

Plan is to have a preview up on Thursday.

What if they were bald?

http://www.mandatory.com/2013/12/05/todays-nfl-quarterbacks-if-they-were-bald/1

Playoff Preview

Ok, so the recap never happened, my bad.  But here's a quick playoff preview.

BYES:

Flames - much to everyone's dismay, Hemrick's team is a powerhouse, as he owns almost all the key players of two of the three best offenses in the league.  Lest anyone think an injury to either Matt Stafford or Peyton Manning could derail his season, just note that Detroit and Denver had their bye the same week, and Hemrick won with a score over 160.  Hemrick could be looking to start a dynasty at the draft next summer.

Came-ron Yo Face -  the other bye team already could've had a dynasty, already making it to three championship games in 4 years.  He'll try to get to his 4th, but having Bry fall to 4th put him right in Hill's path and makes it more difficult.

GAMES:

How was MJD listed as out, but yet put up 14 points?  Mintz, you should really look into that.  Although the fact that Bry is playing at all this week is the story here.  At one point he was 7-1 and top of the table, but after a 1-4 end to his season, including a woeful season-ending loss to the resurgent Tom Brady Show, here sits Bry as the 4th seed.  Bry will need his running backs to claim the big advantage they have on paper in order to protect against a possible VJax or James Jones stinker. Mintz made the good move of benching Red Tom Brady and if he connects with Larry Fitz on a TD or two, Mike could make some noise here.  I think this will be close matchup, but the winner will most likely......................GO DOWN IN FLAMES!!!!!!!

Sneaking into the third seed was Matt/Sean thanks mostly to that beast Josh Gordon.  They also have DJax and McCoy in what should be a high scoring matchup.  I don't love EJ Manuel on the road and Cecil Shorts failed to reach ten points.  They'll need Eddie Lacy, Vern Davis and Matt Ryan to come through.  I believe in Matt Ryan and Lacy has a good matchup, but Davis is in trouble.  Scott has the all unsung team with Foles, Smith, Wright, Stacy along with Olsen and Alex Smith.  Before the season, you'd think this was PromNiteDumpsterBaby worthy, but all have been consistently producing.  Aside from Foles though, there's no true game breaker here.  But if 140 points is enough to get by, then Scott will win.  Especially if the one gamebreaker he might have, Victor Cruz, finally goes off-but it's been awhile since that's happened.

PREDICTIONS:
Red Headed Step Child 142.03 def Mr. McGibblets 138.96
Lacy In Your Facy 151.25 def Balls Deep 138.25

Round 1

Yes Jim. It's the Playoffs!!!!!

And it starts tonight!

Amazing...

Time For The Second Season

Gentlemen,

Another regular season in the books.  The playoffs are starting this week and we will crown our fifth champion.  Will we have our first two-time champ?  Three of the first four champions are in, while Matt/Sean, Scott and Mintz look for their first title.

I'll get up a brief recap at some point, as Bry made the trip down to Long Island to lose his bye in agonizing fashion (that has to be documented), but until then, here are the playoff matchups:

Never seen anything more athletic...

so dirty

Mr. McGibblets clinches a spot in the playoffs after taking down Balls Deep again

Happy Thanksgiving and Playoff Week! (o and Chaunakka)

F*ck you Hemrick...

and f*ck your 7 game win streak..

Time to party

Is this JFKs ASSASSination Anniversary?

YES!

but lets not forget that is is also another ASS anniversary...Enjoy

Week 11 Recap

I'm sure some things happened to your fantasy teams this weekend, but this is about the time when I stop caring (right Bry?).  Anyway, here's your recap.

Programming note: I'm home today and on a different computer that is sans 'snipping tool' so no screen caps. To make up for it, here's Toronto Mayor Rob Ford talking about eating pussy:

hill hunter 143.01 def The Holo What? 134.27
In what I'd refer to as a swing matchup, James came thru with a big win to put him at 5-6 and one game out of the playoffs.  The loss drops Joe 4-7, despite breaking the 1600 point mark, more than the 5th, 6th, and 7th place teams.  If you believe in karma, then Joe must've been Hitler in a previous life (which would explain the team name).  First his parents, now fantasy football.  You were either Hitler, or you murdered 26 children (but it was in self defense!).  Anyway, sorry Joe.  Maybe we shouldn't fly anywhere for your bachelor party...just sayin'.  James now sits one game behind Mintz for 6th place thanks to Drew Brees.

Came-ron yo face! 173.75 def Mr. McGibblets 139.16
This was a game hill had to have to get back into contention for a bye.  It was a big statement by Came-ron, putting up a score not seen since before the byes.  He got a big week from Antonio Brown (30 pts), Matt Forte, and believe it or not, Mike Glennon.  Did I mention this guy can make all the throws:


Bry couldn't wait to give Percy Harvin a try, and didn't believe he'd be limited.  Well he was wrong and got only 6 points.  Bry also didn't have Romo and started Sproles in his flex.  Even VJax 32 points wasn't enough to overcome that.  People playing the RB in the flex are now 5-98* all time in Sandwich Fest.

*-unofficial stat

Flames 186.36 def Red Headed Step Child 106.81
We all hate to see it, but Flames is on fire (gold Jerry, gold).  As long as Stafford or Peyton Manning doesn't get hurt, Flames is the favorite to win it all.  He is pretty much guaranteed a bye and is over 100 points better than the next closest team.  Just goes to show you diversifying is for pussies.  Mintz got tooled right in the asshole but still sits in 6th place.  He loses the points tie break to just about everyone so he needs to win to hang on to 6th place.  And wouldn't you know it, Mike plays James this week!  Very intriguing matchup.

Balls Deep 161.42 def PromNite 109.20
Scott's team finally puts up an effort he can be proud of breaking the 160 points plateau.  The point total helps him for tie breaks as he moves up to 6-5 and in 5th place.  Scott also played a RB in the flex and got lucky with a big play from Rashard Jennings.  The Nick Foles and Kendall Wright pickups might save his season and get him into the playoffs.

Brown's team is just pathetic  But the good news is I found a good role for Brown to play if he ever wanted to get into TV: http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0331152/

Lacy In Your Facey 161.18 def The Tom Brady Show 142.15
This ends my season and sets up, as Hill and Bry said, the most pointless matchup in the history of fantasy football next week when I play Brown.  For the record, I'm 5th in points.  Sad face.  AJ Green really killed me this week.  so did the Houston D against some shit ass QB making his first start.  What the fuck?  Sean/Matt are barely paying attention but still are doing enough to stay in a playoff spot.  Their roster is good enough that they should make it ahead of Scott and Mintz.

This guy loves raking

O yea!

Monday Implications

To try to prove Bry wrong, here is some content even though my season is basically over:

James is 8.16 points down to Joe Ferencz with Rob Gronkowski going tonight.  I'll assume this is a win for James, who, I have to assume, got so many trade offers for Alshon Jeffrey that it made him realize he should probably play him.  Not sure what Joe's excuse was for Bernard Pierce.

In the battle for the 2nd bye, Bryan needs only 75.16 points from Cam Newton and his kicker, Gostkowski, to tie Chris Hill.  hmmmmmm....

And to finish me off finally and really put that nail in the coffin, I need Tom Brady to go off and put up 32 points, while throwing none of those passes to Danny Amendola.   Seems unlikely.

Now here's a chimpanzee riding on a segway.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Trade deadline is at midnight.  That's pretty much all.

Somewhere over the Dwayne bowe

http://feedly.com/k/1bGpreg

Transaction Analysis

We have a trade to announce:

To The Tom Brady Show: Roddy White
To Mr. McGibblets: Percy Harvin

It's pretty simple to breakdown.  Bry can afford to wait on Harvin due to his record.  I can't.  Roddy White is finally ready and I need options for this week.  Bry gets to wait on Harvin, who is much more dynamic and could really help him the playoffs.  And when he plays me in Week 13.

I also get to use White next week, when his schedule gets hella easy, while Harvin will be on bye.  I'm giving up a little bit in potential to get a piece I can use in the next two weeks to hopefully make the playoffs.  Bry being in a much better position, made the trade for upside.

Good trade all around.  Only two days left boys.  Work those phones!!

"Came"-ron You're Face is Open for Business

I am in QB hell.. I need help.. my team is open...lets chat....im in a bad spot right now...who wants to play?

TRADE DEADLINE LOOMING!

Gentlemen, this is the last week to make trades.  At 11:59:59 on 11/15/13 you will have one second left to make a trade.  Shink about it.

countdown

Week 10 Recap

Three weeks left and much to be decided.  Parity is awesome (don't listen to Hill).

Chris Hill picked a bad time to play down to his competition falling out of bye position and into third.  Hill's team looked good on paper but took the match for granted and put no effort into this game.  Lizards at Wes Welker's legs, so he was ineffective.  Dez Bryant is a locker room cancer (sports radio taught me that) and Jake Locker sucked, then got hurt, and then sucked even more.  But he gets fake Jimmy Graham back this week, so maybe he can move back up.  Even worse, Mike James NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brown keeps his playoff hopes alive being 2 out with 3 to play.  He is 50 points behind Scott so he pretty much needs to win out and have either Balls Deep or Lacy in your Facey lose out.  With a roster that boasts Harry Douglas and Greg Jennings, I think he can pull it off.

Oh boy, Bry falls back to the pack and out of first place with a pretty miserable performance.  His QBs got him a whopping 12 points total.  In most weeks, that won't be an issue, but this was especially tough matchups for them.  The good news is AP, MJD and Sproles all produced and put him a good place with RBs.  A good team with a bad week.

Mike's big win puts him squarely into the playoffs, being two games up on the 7th place team, The Holo What?.  Not sure if you can count on Pierre Thomas every week, but he made up for off weeks from Keenan Allen and Andy Dalton.

We have a new first place team with everything breaking right for Hemrick.  TY Hilton is now #1 in Indy with Wayne hurt.  That on top of all the Broncos and Lions on his team and he's in good shape.  Those offenses are hard to contain.   Not much else to say really.  He has two teams that fill up 6 of 8 real spots.  I guess he could use a better QB2, but the Lions and Broncos score a million points every week.  So this is going to be tough.

James didn't get that 21 points he needed from Hartline or Wallace and sunk all the way down to 8th place, one game up on 10th place.  He's in big trouble.  He maybe should think about making a big move.  Maybe a WR for a Drew Brees?  Just something to think about.

In any other week this would've been the most pathetic matchup, but they can thank Hill and Brown for hooking them up with that.   Lacy in Your Facey is lucky to win this with a shitty score.  Had they lost, they'd be in 6th place, only by points, with James and Joe tied, and Brown and myself one game back. Both of these teams are still in trouble, but now Scott more so.  Scott's team has fallen off a cliff, with Kaepernick sucking a dick for the whole year basically, and his WRs are hit and miss.  Scott is trade averse so what you see is what you get.  Seems very catchable to me.

Both these teams need to win next week, but Lacy is getting some reinforcements off the bye in Josh Gordon, Amendola, and Ridley.  Off week for them, but still a pretty strong team, except for their QBs.  They stink.

Not quite dead yet, as the Commish's luck is starting to turn.  Let's consider for a moment, all the things that went right for me to win this game.  Peyton Manning scored 34 points and threw 4 TDs, but 3 of them were to the only Bronco on my team, D Thomas.  AJ Green caught a hail mary that was tipped twice and added 12 points to my score.  Garret Hartley missed a FG inside 40 yards, giving Joe -3.  And the Dallas defense put up a goose egg.  And still BEWARE THE STAT CORRECTION.  I can't count this win until Thursday afternoon.  But if I did count this win I'd be 2 back of Lacy In Your Facey and Balls Deep with 3 to play.  And wouldn't you know it, I play Lacy In Your Facey this week!

Just to pile on the bad luck, Joe had the 4th highest point total this week and the 2nd highest last week and lost both weeks.  He's only one game back with three to play and holds the tie break over Balls Deep, and could catch Lacy In Your Facey in points as well.  Hang in there Joe.

MIKE JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Implications

Ok, so Bry is right, when the commish wins, we all win (except for Ferencz, he lost - pending stat correction Wednesday).  We're 3 weeks from the end and no one is really out of it (even me, more on that in the recap).  Here are the Monday Implications for tonight:

Formerly unstoppable 'Came'-ron yo Face! (that sucks to type) is holding onto a shitty 14 point lead with a whopping 96.61 points scored for the week.  That's horrific, though he had some bad Jake Locker luck.  Brown is down 14.31 points with Ryan Tannehill left to play tonight.  This will be close I think, since the Miami O-line is in shambles and Tampa has some talent on D.  If the line holds up and Tampa has quit on their coach (both possible), than Brown can win and send Hill further into his shame spiral.  Did you seriously not play Mike James after all that bullshit this week Chris?  Weird.

Also a formerly great team, Mr McGibblets is down 30.75 points to Red Headed Stepchild with Vincent Jackson to go.  VJax has done it before, and the Miami secondary can be had, but I don't think they can be had that bad.  He has at least a small chance right?  Right?  A win here is huge for Red Headed Stepchild as it would pretty much send him to the playoffs.

Who would think that Miami-Tampa Bay would have so many implications?  Well here's 3 out of 5 matches.  Hill Hunter is 21.74 points down to Flames after a fine effort by the still not traded Drew Brees and the resurgent Marques Colston.  James is in an excellent position with Hartline and Wallace to go tonight.  If the Miami offense has even an average night, we're looking at the top 3 teams in the league all losing and falling back to the pack.

Sandwich Fest, where parity rules!

Mike James: Welcome to team "Mr. McGibblets"!

Transaction Analsys

We have a trade to announce:

It's official, THE Mike James can now be considered the top back in all of fantasy.  That's because he's just been traded for the most talented back in the entire league.

To Bry: The Mike James
To Hill: Adrian Peterson

I think this is an obvious win for Bry.  Mike James runs.  Mike James hits.  Mike James throws touchdowns.  Mike James catches touchdowns.

Last I checked, Adrian Peterson had one good run all year.  He father's children out of wedlock and then doesn't even know they exist.  He plays for the Vikings.  Not sure how Bry was able to get The Mike James for only one player but he's obviously very persuasive.

Hill hurts his chances at a championship with this trade.  It makes no sense.  He traded, straight up, The Triple Threat Mike James for "Father Of The Year" Adrian Peterson.  I was temped to veto this trade due to collusion (perhaps Hill is giving Bry a super team so they can split the winnings at the end?) but that would be rash.

In any case.  Nice win Bry.

Its been a while... but guess who LOVES Mike James

Mike James, Buccaneers: OK, so yeah, not only did Mike James lead the league in rushing yards last week with 158 yards, against the Seahawks, in Seattle, but 68 of those yards came after contact. Not a fluke. This year, James has averaged 2.2 yards after contact per carry, second most in the NFL. Meanwhile, the Dolphins, who might be a little distracted this week, allow the third-most rushing yards after contact. They give up the third-most fantasy points to opposing running backs, he's somehow still available in 80 percent of leagues, and I'm playing against him in the ESPN War Room league, where I need a win and am without Jamaal Charles and Rob Gronkowski, so I assure you he's going off. Top 20 guy for me.

Drew Brees?

Still waiting for that....

The Flying Spagetti monster is real

I guess its not just a south park reference : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

Week 9 Recap

I know you're all (Bry) are thinking, "well the commish wins, we get recap" but that's really not true.  I have just have a lot going on in my life right now and I really was hoping to get into an in depth discussion of my then 1-7 record and regret to this day it did not happen.  But now I'll attempt to make up for it and use my entire lunch to make sure all of you are completely satisfied.

The scores are going to suck from this week (with 2 exceptions) due to the amount of byes, so I won't get too crazy on them.

In the mother of all lucky wins, Mike Mintz gets the dream scenario.  It's not quite having players get into a car accident on the way to the game, but Aaron Rodgers getting hurt at the end of their first series and therefore rending Jordy Nelson useless and therefore ending Brown's fantasy season, is about as close as you can get.  Thiw was going to be an easy win for Adam Brown, but now Mike Mintz goes above .500 and squarely into a playoff spot.  Brown had to be feeling pretty good after getting 23 points from Flacco and getting a nice James Graham game.  But Rodgers fucked him right in the asshole.  He bent Adam Brown over, Lambeau Leap style, and just jammed it right in without lube.

Here's a post-rape Aaron Rodgers striding triumphantly from the scene of the crime.  Notice the look of satisfaction on his face:

Meanwhile, while Brown was busy crying into his rape towel, Mike got a big game from Brand Marsh to pull out the victory.  He also blew me up with a missile.  I never saw it coming.

Hemrick lost Matt Stafford, Reggie Bush, Eric Decker and Julius Thomas.  He still won.  Not only did he still win, he still put up 150 points.  Sometimes you just can't do anything wrong.  That appears to be Ryan Hemrick.  Maybe The Flying Spaghetti Monster is shining down him.  He sees Hemrick devolving into a Belliparian existence of whores and gambling and is trying to help him see the right path.  Actually, that doesn't sound so bad.  Maybe he's rewarding Hemrick?  In any case, he beat Bry, which is good b/c Bry was getting out control.  I don't think that pineapple meme brought him down at all.  Unfortunately he's still in first, so will likely remain insufferable until that changes.  Hemrick is on his heels now though.  And to be fair, if Sproles is healthy, this game is a toss up.

Here were the two scores that didn't suck, and unfortunately for Ferencz, they were both in the same match.  Scott had the good fortune of starting Nick Foles, and the two best running backs of the week in Zac Stacy and Chris Johnson.  This one Chris Johnson performance all but guarantees Scott picks him in the first round next year.  As for this year, the point total knocks him up 4th place.  Ferencz had some good injury replacements, but got screwed with Arian Foster being held out on Sunday night.  Even with a zero he put up 180 points.  That's legit.  A little bit more luck and Ferencz should make the playoffs easy.

A much needed win for Matt/Sean who finally get back in the win column to keep themselves in that last playoff spot.  The MNF performance of Ed Lace helped them make up for the awfulness that is now Matt Ryan and Geno Smith, who luckily for them ran for a TD.  Both of these defenses came up with TDs and had big games, so no advantage was gained there.  But the second coming of James Graham looks more like the second coming of Jared Cook, which has to worry the one-time league leader.  But once a full strength, both these teams should be just fine.

You know you've hit rock bottom when you beat a team and that effects the other owner enough to put the league on blast about trading his best player.  James literally paid zero attention until he lost to me.  That's not saying much for The Tom Brady Show.  Again, back to full strength, I expect James to do much better next week, esp with Gronk back and Brees back home and Gore back in the lineup.  For me, I'm 2 games out with 4 to play but my point totals have been suffering and I have to pass 3 other teams.  Not totally dead, but pretty much dead.

Did you know...

Mike "I have two First Names" James has more passing Touchdowns than Mark Sanchez this year?

Mike "Triple Threat" James

He just wants to say hi...