can i get an amen!?

Sanchize Available for trade?

So this is my future QB? Gotta love being a post 2002 Bucs fan

Everyone send their thoughts and prayers...

The commish is down!

 

The Sanchize is having season ending surgery....

lets look back at some of his greatest moments....














and last but not least......

ITS SMACK TALK TIME!!!!!! (Week 4?)

I lost to this guy......

Hide your kids, hide your wives.... Well.... Maybe just your kids...

 I know the feeling Hill...

Good win

Monday Implications

Here's a very scaled down version for two reasons: I'm not at work so it's not as easy to cut/paste/type.  Secondly, GTA V, which I'm in the middle of playing right now.

Also vicodin.


Anyway, here we go:

Bryan needs 9.14 points from Darren Sproles to tie me as Dwayne Bowe continues to fuck with me.  His replacement in my lineup got hurt, and Bry's kicker (goskowski) chipped in 14 points to get him to a place where he's now the favorite to win.  I'll need pretty serious luck to get away with a win here, but Sproles has been a little slow to start off the year.  Bry will win this though, probably in the first half, and possibly the first quarter.

This one could be fun.  James is trailing Matt/Sean by 64 points.  Tonight he has four players going, two with each team.  Those players are Mike Wallace, Marques Colston and Brian Hartline. Oh yea, and Drew Brees.  This is going to be a torturous game for Matt/Sean, holding their breath with each pass from each team, the anxiety growing with every completion, until that one moment, where they know the inevitable is at hand, that James, and his ridiculous fantasy luck, will defeat them and continue on for another week.

Finally there's the tightest match of the week, Hemrick vs Scott.  We were monitoring this (I should say Brown kept going "yo this Hemrick-Scott match is TIGHT BRO." He was right.) and noticed the lead changed hands a bunch and the score was always close.  It looks like Scott will take it in the end, but has a little more work to do, needing 2 points from Charles Clay.  Actually it's like 1.8 points, which, if you're scoring at home, is one 8 yard catch.  Good luck Hemrick.

That's it from the commish today on what I've now nicknamed, Grand Theft Vicodin Monday!

Twins?

Everyone do the mintz face....

Viva las Mexico!

Slow fantasy week for me - I was down in Mexico City for work. See below of some pictures; I included one of myself for some optional* mockery. 

We're building a ~60 story tower; the pictures of the city are from level 37. 

Enjoy. 

*probably not optional

Week 4 Preview

I hate Sam Bradford. Here's your week 4 preview:

Well at least Kappy didn't kill Scott this week.  Wasn't great, but didn't kill him either.  And with Stafford going against Chicago and w/out Black Wes Welker, Kappy might outscore Stafford this week.  This week, Big Ben finds himself on the Flames where he'll try not to suck for once.  The RBs are about even here with both of them praying on one (MJD and CJ respectively) and comfortable with the other.  Hemrick catches Scott on a non-Cobb week so he has a big advantage at WR.  The wild card here is Vick though.  He could score anywhere from 5 points to 35 points and I wouldn't be surprised.  I think it's a down week again for him though.  Prediction: Hemrick.

This is best man to best man fight to the death.  Who really is the BEST man?  Chris takes the bold step of starting a RB in the flex.  Teams that start a non-QB in the flex are 2-34 all time in Sandwich Fest* but Hill look to buck that trend.  It could work this week though b/c Mike's QB's are not dynamic.  Dalton is a steady 15 point guy and I still don't trust Rivers.  I also don't trust DMC, but Ray Rice still might not be 100% and that could ruin Hill's advantage there.  This will be a close match, but I think Hills WR's could carry him to the win.  Prediction: Hill


*unofficial stat

Anquan Boldin got Joe off to a nice start.  When your WR3 puts up a 20-spot, you're poised for a big week.  He's also catching Brown in a Packers bye week which means good bye Rodgers and Jordy Nelson, and hello to Terelle Pryor(!), and Steve 'don't call me Stevie' Johnson.  He will still have to deal with James Graham, but even James Graham can't be expected to do everything.  The good news for Brown is most of his players have good matchups. The bad news is none of them is Aaron Rodgers.  Prediction: Joe

Thursday Night really sets the stage for a close match.  Bradford shit the bed while Gore and the San Francisco D came through for James.  He'll need Eli Manning to take advantage of the poor QB2 play Matt/Sean got (side note: saw Sean last night.  He is alive and well.  He objects to the notion that he should have to contribute to the league to be considered "into it".  He acts like he reads and sees everything.  He is an active owner.  I bet he sees none of this).   Matt/Sean do have an advantage at TE, RB and probably WR, though there is some risk with all of them.  Prediction: James.

Did I mention I hate Sam Bradford?  Bry is going to win this if he gets anything at all out of VJax and Heath Miller.  The only chance I have is for my QBs to have big game and have Fred Jackson shit the bed.  Should that happen, this game will be close.  More likely is that Bowe does nothing, Manning finally slows down a little bit, and Peterson goes off.  I also think Garcon has a big day out in Oakland.  Prediction: Bry.

NAME THOSE BIDDIES!!!!

Not Safe For Work.....

Click below for BIDDIES

the Flames

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/fantasy-roto-arcade/week-4-flames-union-smack-le-veon-start-161839794--fantasy.html

Mintz after he loses this week....

IT'S SMACK TALK TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! (Week 3)

If James actually cared or watched the games,

I imagine this would have been his reaction last night with 1 minute 23 seconds left in week 3.

However, This would have been his reaction with 1 minute 21 seconds left in Week 3

So Instead of reminding James what Run DMC did to his 3-0 dreams last night with, 1 minute 22 second left in Week 3 (See below), I'm going to share with you all, what I think James was doing instead of watching football this weekend.

Building a yoga studio and making sure to stay hydrated with soda. 

Catching up on quality time with Hill's dog Stella.

Selling candy at the movie theater

Trying not to die while sleeping.

ShRoOmS

So James... After reading this I can only imagine that you are asking yourself 1 question.

'Do you really care......?'

I THINK YOU DO!!!

Week 3 Recap

Welcome to Parity Town.  Population: You.  I can't take credit for that gem, Ferencz said something similar last week, and wouldn't you know it, turns out he was rather prescient.  After this week, every team is either 2-1 or 1-2, which upon a little reflection is not so crazy, but it seems that every year it's pretty tight all the way though.  Anyway, here's how we got to Parity Town.

This match is a significant one for Scott.  He was second in the league in points after two good weeks, but this might make him change his name from Balls Deep, to Just The Tip.  That score can really ruin a boner fast.  Instead of 2-1 and top 3 in points, he drops to 1-2 and all the way to 8th place.  Look no further than his QB play.  Vick you knew would have some stinkers in him but Kappy is a surprise, at least to me.  It's one thing to shit it up in Seattle.  It's another at home against a team you should beat.  Scott's running backs are both in tough positions as well and in just one week, he goes from looking like one of the strongest teams in the league to possibly one of the weakest.

Scott's really the story here and I'm sure Bry will have plenty to say this week since he's playing the Commish in Week 4, but I'll touch on his team for a moment.  A very solid day overall, but a good sign seeing Cam Newton have a good day for once and Tomo Rony having a good day as well.  The downside is the VJax rib injury, which cost him some points this week, but didn't cost him his match-up and he should be fine going forward.

The other side of that trade was Hemrick, who is still trying to defend trading VJax for Moreno.  In case you didn't watch the MNF game, it showed the exact reason Moreno is a #3 fantasy back.  Moreno got 12 carries, Ball got 11, and Hillman got 9.  Hillman and Moreno each got catches. All three got goal line carries. It's a crowded backfield and Moreno is old (but steady) news.  Also TY Hilton, Jackson's replacement, scored under 5.  Also Romo scored more than Stafford.  Just sayin'.  Hemrick's point total was good, but buoyed by a dominant defense.  Megatron and Decker were great as well, but until his RBs get healthy (which could be this week) he'll be in trouble.

Hill got a HUGE week from a number of players and I guess will be cumming on multiple male faces to celebrate?  Just going by the team name here.  Cameron got only 6 catches, but 3 were for TDs.  Antonio Brown complained about not getting the ball, and wound up getting it plenty.  The rest of his team played to their roles.  Forte, Pierce, Welker, Cutler all got totals we'd be happy with.  The only mild disappointment was Dez Bryant, but he didn't even need him.

The Battle of New Paltz was a bit of a let down to be quite honest.  Last year, Joe's team flat out stunk.  I mean it stunk worse than a skunk that got run over on 32.  It stunk worse than the P&G's bathroom at 4am. It stunk worse than our suite in Crispell when everyone shot not'ed taking the garbage out for a month.  It stunk worse than Anal Avengers finger after hooking up with Matt.  This year though, it's not so bad, this was just a bad week.  Arian Foster, Andre Johnson, Tony G, Tom Brady, AJ Green all underachieved.  The only issue is RB2 and that defense, but both are fixable.

As I said last week Lacy In Your Facey might be the best team in the league.  The roster depth was pretty impressive.  Cecil Shorts in Seattle?  No thanks, I'll just put in Josh Gordon.  Stevan Ridley has been sucking a dick?  Eddy Lacy has a pudding brain?  No problem, here's the Joique Store in your facey.   It all worked out for Matt/Sean who now sit atop the league.

And now, The Loser Bowl.  As noted yesterday, Mintz needed 10 from DMC to get the win.  I went to bed halfway thru the third last night and thought Mike would lose.  But DMC got a goalline carry and converted, and then he THREW a 20-yard TD and that was just enough to get him by James.  But lets face it, there are no winners here.  James was so close to pulling off the amazing feat of being 3-0 with the least amount of points in the league.  He would've only been referred to as Mike Mintz Award for the rest of the year (MMA for short).  Instead though he lost, as he should, and all is right with the world.  For Mike, I'd be worried about Spiller, but it does look like Trent Richardson will come thru now that he's on Indy.  He'll need Larry Fitz to get healthy though.

Speaking of all being right with the world, finally some justice for the Commish.  I thought the bad run would continue when Jerm Finley went down halfway thru the first quarter, but Hakeem Nicks' goose egg offset that.  I even withstood a vintage Jim Graham performance thanks in large part to the Cincy D holding Aaron Rodgers at bay and turning him over a couple of times.  I'd like to thank Jamaal Charles, Peyton Manning, Demaryus Thomas and Andy Luck for being awesome, specifically Luck who had a tough matchup and still almost hit 20 points.  Lamar Miller is dead to me for a little while.  HELLO GIO BERNARD!!

Brown will be fine.  His team is very strong as evidenced by his score with a goose egg involved.  He will have to figure out how to get thru Week 4 though with Rodgers, Nelson and Williams on bye, but he has a strong team and will bounce back I think, even if he loses next week.  This loss stings a little more though with those byes looming.

That's it for Week 4.  Now starts bye weeks.  Beware the byes.

Back Off Bry, Peyton's Got This

Your next Bry, muahahahahaha!!!!!

Hi Paul

Monday Implications - Week 3

Look at your lazy commissioner.  Two weeks in a row some Monday Implications.  Suck it Trebek.  

Hemrick may have gotten lucky with his trade since VJax got hurt, but he won't get lucky enough to pull this one out.  Even if all three players get 20 points, he doesn't catch Hill who still has Welker to go.  To say Hemrick is invested in the Broncos offense is an understatement.  I just noticed this now.  And Hill, the team name?  I know mine is terrible, but are you saying you want to cum on Hemrick's face?  I mean, congrats on the win and all, but I'm not sure what you're really getting at here.

Here's a game with real implications.  Mike needs 10 points from DMC.  He should get it, which will give James his first loss.  There is some disaster potential here for Oakland though as Denver should dominate. But if Pryor just dumps it off to McFadden a couple of times, that should be enough with his 50 yards rushing to get Mike there.  If not, he might be on suicide watch, as he'd drop from 1st to 9th in the course of 4 days.

Here we go.  This is 50/50 I think.  I have no doubt Manning will get me 25-30 points.  The question is who does the throw it too?  Decker?  Julian Thomas?  Welker? Demaryus?  Will Knowshon run it in again? There's a lot of mouths to feed in Denver, but Demaryus is their big play guy.  Hopefully they hit one of their deep shots.  If not, fire sale.  For real this time.  Bry already has saved seven different lopsided trades to send me tomorrow morning.  I know it.

This sums up the weekend....

Yesterday's Giants Game....

That is all.....

Week 3 Preview

I'm sitting around waiting for Laurie to get out of work to go to the Pickle Festival (a real thing I'm actually going to - also no homo) so figured I might as well provide some content that no one will read since it's Saturday.  I could tell you to all go fuck your mothers and none of you would even see it.  While I'm on it, what the fuck with my fire sale?  I put Jamaal Charles on the trading block and nothing?  Peyton Manning?  Ever heard of him?  You guys should all go fuck your mothers.  Here's your fuckin preview:

Bryan barely looks at his team, so odds are he rolls with this lineup as is.  The no QB strategy is bold, but I must say, kind of stupid.  I'd also play 3 WRs since my opponent is as well.  Scott will need this advantage as Michael Vick failed to reach ten points on Thursday.  Last game Kaepernick played he didn't reach 2 points.  So maybe that's what scared Bry.  Who knows.  Cobb, Cruz, Martin, CJ shoudl be enough for Scott.  Prediction: Scott.

Perhaps Hemrick feels bad about his stat correction victory and decided to bench two players.  Hemrick has been away in AC all week and will undoubtedly be catching up on sleep rather than checking his fantasy team.  Maybe he gave up after trading a #1 WR for a #3 RB.  Hill won't be sweating the Rice decision since he drafted his handcuff, Bernard Pierce, not too much of a drop off really.  Will he get the good Cut of the bad Cut though?  I say the bad one.  But I still say he wins b/c of his running backs and wide receivers.  Prediction: 

 It's a New Paltz showdown in Week 3 for Joe and Matt/Sean, and on Alumni Weekend no less.  Matt/Sean had an average Thursday from their two guys, but those are two guys that have been putting up close to 50 points instead of 30.  The players they need to compensate are Matt Ryan and Julio Jones, but they have a tough matchup against Miami.  Matt Ryan will see pressure all day.  Ferencz has the advantage here.  The one place Miami D is weak is against TE's (Cameron in Week 1, Fleener in Week 2).  I also like the matchups for Boldin, Green, Andre Johnson (if healthy), Tom Brady and Russel Wilson.  Prediction: Joe.

 Mike goes from 2-0 and first place to staring 1-2 dead in the face going against the team atop the standings.  He does get a chance to get some revenge at least, and vault himself into the discussion for best team with a win here.  Mike owns Trent Richardson, so that puts him a tough spot, but playing Run DMC, who leads the league in rushing, is not a bad alternative (never thought I'd write that this year).  He's a little thin at WR though and needs Larry Fitz to not play.  James, let's face it, has been lucky.  He has the 2nd lowest points in the league and finds himself in first place.  Must be nice.  TE is an issue.  Two Dolphins receivers could be an issue (though not this week).  I still believe in Gore though, who had an impossible matchup last week in Seattle and both his QB should have big weeks, but Eli is fairly unpredictable.  I anticipate this being the lowest scoring matchup of the week and should be close.  Prediction: James.

Fuck you Dwayne Bowe.  I have the top QB in points, a top-10 WR, the top RB (who will stay #1 if Forte doesn't score 30), and the #5 TE.  I'm fourth in points for and first in points against.  My team is good it just need to stay calm and hope for a good week.  However, I go against a very good but volatile team this week.  Nicks, Nelson, Williams and Tannehill are all hit or miss guys, but they all have good matchups this week.  Rodgers, Wayne, Morris and Graham, are all pretty consistent and pretty good to elite.  I'll need the luck to swing my way to come out with a win this week.  If you see me drop to 0-3, I'll be primed for a trade raping.  There is no chance I'm thinking straight if that happens.  Prediction: Brown