Never seen anything more athletic...

so dirty

Mr. McGibblets clinches a spot in the playoffs after taking down Balls Deep again

Happy Thanksgiving and Playoff Week! (o and Chaunakka)

F*ck you Hemrick...

and f*ck your 7 game win streak..

Time to party

Is this JFKs ASSASSination Anniversary?

YES!

but lets not forget that is is also another ASS anniversary...Enjoy

Week 11 Recap

I'm sure some things happened to your fantasy teams this weekend, but this is about the time when I stop caring (right Bry?).  Anyway, here's your recap.

Programming note: I'm home today and on a different computer that is sans 'snipping tool' so no screen caps. To make up for it, here's Toronto Mayor Rob Ford talking about eating pussy:

hill hunter 143.01 def The Holo What? 134.27
In what I'd refer to as a swing matchup, James came thru with a big win to put him at 5-6 and one game out of the playoffs.  The loss drops Joe 4-7, despite breaking the 1600 point mark, more than the 5th, 6th, and 7th place teams.  If you believe in karma, then Joe must've been Hitler in a previous life (which would explain the team name).  First his parents, now fantasy football.  You were either Hitler, or you murdered 26 children (but it was in self defense!).  Anyway, sorry Joe.  Maybe we shouldn't fly anywhere for your bachelor party...just sayin'.  James now sits one game behind Mintz for 6th place thanks to Drew Brees.

Came-ron yo face! 173.75 def Mr. McGibblets 139.16
This was a game hill had to have to get back into contention for a bye.  It was a big statement by Came-ron, putting up a score not seen since before the byes.  He got a big week from Antonio Brown (30 pts), Matt Forte, and believe it or not, Mike Glennon.  Did I mention this guy can make all the throws:


Bry couldn't wait to give Percy Harvin a try, and didn't believe he'd be limited.  Well he was wrong and got only 6 points.  Bry also didn't have Romo and started Sproles in his flex.  Even VJax 32 points wasn't enough to overcome that.  People playing the RB in the flex are now 5-98* all time in Sandwich Fest.

*-unofficial stat

Flames 186.36 def Red Headed Step Child 106.81
We all hate to see it, but Flames is on fire (gold Jerry, gold).  As long as Stafford or Peyton Manning doesn't get hurt, Flames is the favorite to win it all.  He is pretty much guaranteed a bye and is over 100 points better than the next closest team.  Just goes to show you diversifying is for pussies.  Mintz got tooled right in the asshole but still sits in 6th place.  He loses the points tie break to just about everyone so he needs to win to hang on to 6th place.  And wouldn't you know it, Mike plays James this week!  Very intriguing matchup.

Balls Deep 161.42 def PromNite 109.20
Scott's team finally puts up an effort he can be proud of breaking the 160 points plateau.  The point total helps him for tie breaks as he moves up to 6-5 and in 5th place.  Scott also played a RB in the flex and got lucky with a big play from Rashard Jennings.  The Nick Foles and Kendall Wright pickups might save his season and get him into the playoffs.

Brown's team is just pathetic  But the good news is I found a good role for Brown to play if he ever wanted to get into TV: http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0331152/

Lacy In Your Facey 161.18 def The Tom Brady Show 142.15
This ends my season and sets up, as Hill and Bry said, the most pointless matchup in the history of fantasy football next week when I play Brown.  For the record, I'm 5th in points.  Sad face.  AJ Green really killed me this week.  so did the Houston D against some shit ass QB making his first start.  What the fuck?  Sean/Matt are barely paying attention but still are doing enough to stay in a playoff spot.  Their roster is good enough that they should make it ahead of Scott and Mintz.

This guy loves raking

O yea!

Monday Implications

To try to prove Bry wrong, here is some content even though my season is basically over:

James is 8.16 points down to Joe Ferencz with Rob Gronkowski going tonight.  I'll assume this is a win for James, who, I have to assume, got so many trade offers for Alshon Jeffrey that it made him realize he should probably play him.  Not sure what Joe's excuse was for Bernard Pierce.

In the battle for the 2nd bye, Bryan needs only 75.16 points from Cam Newton and his kicker, Gostkowski, to tie Chris Hill.  hmmmmmm....

And to finish me off finally and really put that nail in the coffin, I need Tom Brady to go off and put up 32 points, while throwing none of those passes to Danny Amendola.   Seems unlikely.

Now here's a chimpanzee riding on a segway.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Trade deadline is at midnight.  That's pretty much all.

Somewhere over the Dwayne bowe

http://feedly.com/k/1bGpreg

Transaction Analysis

We have a trade to announce:

To The Tom Brady Show: Roddy White
To Mr. McGibblets: Percy Harvin

It's pretty simple to breakdown.  Bry can afford to wait on Harvin due to his record.  I can't.  Roddy White is finally ready and I need options for this week.  Bry gets to wait on Harvin, who is much more dynamic and could really help him the playoffs.  And when he plays me in Week 13.

I also get to use White next week, when his schedule gets hella easy, while Harvin will be on bye.  I'm giving up a little bit in potential to get a piece I can use in the next two weeks to hopefully make the playoffs.  Bry being in a much better position, made the trade for upside.

Good trade all around.  Only two days left boys.  Work those phones!!

"Came"-ron You're Face is Open for Business

I am in QB hell.. I need help.. my team is open...lets chat....im in a bad spot right now...who wants to play?

TRADE DEADLINE LOOMING!

Gentlemen, this is the last week to make trades.  At 11:59:59 on 11/15/13 you will have one second left to make a trade.  Shink about it.

countdown

Week 10 Recap

Three weeks left and much to be decided.  Parity is awesome (don't listen to Hill).

Chris Hill picked a bad time to play down to his competition falling out of bye position and into third.  Hill's team looked good on paper but took the match for granted and put no effort into this game.  Lizards at Wes Welker's legs, so he was ineffective.  Dez Bryant is a locker room cancer (sports radio taught me that) and Jake Locker sucked, then got hurt, and then sucked even more.  But he gets fake Jimmy Graham back this week, so maybe he can move back up.  Even worse, Mike James NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brown keeps his playoff hopes alive being 2 out with 3 to play.  He is 50 points behind Scott so he pretty much needs to win out and have either Balls Deep or Lacy in your Facey lose out.  With a roster that boasts Harry Douglas and Greg Jennings, I think he can pull it off.

Oh boy, Bry falls back to the pack and out of first place with a pretty miserable performance.  His QBs got him a whopping 12 points total.  In most weeks, that won't be an issue, but this was especially tough matchups for them.  The good news is AP, MJD and Sproles all produced and put him a good place with RBs.  A good team with a bad week.

Mike's big win puts him squarely into the playoffs, being two games up on the 7th place team, The Holo What?.  Not sure if you can count on Pierre Thomas every week, but he made up for off weeks from Keenan Allen and Andy Dalton.

We have a new first place team with everything breaking right for Hemrick.  TY Hilton is now #1 in Indy with Wayne hurt.  That on top of all the Broncos and Lions on his team and he's in good shape.  Those offenses are hard to contain.   Not much else to say really.  He has two teams that fill up 6 of 8 real spots.  I guess he could use a better QB2, but the Lions and Broncos score a million points every week.  So this is going to be tough.

James didn't get that 21 points he needed from Hartline or Wallace and sunk all the way down to 8th place, one game up on 10th place.  He's in big trouble.  He maybe should think about making a big move.  Maybe a WR for a Drew Brees?  Just something to think about.

In any other week this would've been the most pathetic matchup, but they can thank Hill and Brown for hooking them up with that.   Lacy in Your Facey is lucky to win this with a shitty score.  Had they lost, they'd be in 6th place, only by points, with James and Joe tied, and Brown and myself one game back. Both of these teams are still in trouble, but now Scott more so.  Scott's team has fallen off a cliff, with Kaepernick sucking a dick for the whole year basically, and his WRs are hit and miss.  Scott is trade averse so what you see is what you get.  Seems very catchable to me.

Both these teams need to win next week, but Lacy is getting some reinforcements off the bye in Josh Gordon, Amendola, and Ridley.  Off week for them, but still a pretty strong team, except for their QBs.  They stink.

Not quite dead yet, as the Commish's luck is starting to turn.  Let's consider for a moment, all the things that went right for me to win this game.  Peyton Manning scored 34 points and threw 4 TDs, but 3 of them were to the only Bronco on my team, D Thomas.  AJ Green caught a hail mary that was tipped twice and added 12 points to my score.  Garret Hartley missed a FG inside 40 yards, giving Joe -3.  And the Dallas defense put up a goose egg.  And still BEWARE THE STAT CORRECTION.  I can't count this win until Thursday afternoon.  But if I did count this win I'd be 2 back of Lacy In Your Facey and Balls Deep with 3 to play.  And wouldn't you know it, I play Lacy In Your Facey this week!

Just to pile on the bad luck, Joe had the 4th highest point total this week and the 2nd highest last week and lost both weeks.  He's only one game back with three to play and holds the tie break over Balls Deep, and could catch Lacy In Your Facey in points as well.  Hang in there Joe.

MIKE JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Implications

Ok, so Bry is right, when the commish wins, we all win (except for Ferencz, he lost - pending stat correction Wednesday).  We're 3 weeks from the end and no one is really out of it (even me, more on that in the recap).  Here are the Monday Implications for tonight:

Formerly unstoppable 'Came'-ron yo Face! (that sucks to type) is holding onto a shitty 14 point lead with a whopping 96.61 points scored for the week.  That's horrific, though he had some bad Jake Locker luck.  Brown is down 14.31 points with Ryan Tannehill left to play tonight.  This will be close I think, since the Miami O-line is in shambles and Tampa has some talent on D.  If the line holds up and Tampa has quit on their coach (both possible), than Brown can win and send Hill further into his shame spiral.  Did you seriously not play Mike James after all that bullshit this week Chris?  Weird.

Also a formerly great team, Mr McGibblets is down 30.75 points to Red Headed Stepchild with Vincent Jackson to go.  VJax has done it before, and the Miami secondary can be had, but I don't think they can be had that bad.  He has at least a small chance right?  Right?  A win here is huge for Red Headed Stepchild as it would pretty much send him to the playoffs.

Who would think that Miami-Tampa Bay would have so many implications?  Well here's 3 out of 5 matches.  Hill Hunter is 21.74 points down to Flames after a fine effort by the still not traded Drew Brees and the resurgent Marques Colston.  James is in an excellent position with Hartline and Wallace to go tonight.  If the Miami offense has even an average night, we're looking at the top 3 teams in the league all losing and falling back to the pack.

Sandwich Fest, where parity rules!

Mike James: Welcome to team "Mr. McGibblets"!

Transaction Analsys

We have a trade to announce:

It's official, THE Mike James can now be considered the top back in all of fantasy.  That's because he's just been traded for the most talented back in the entire league.

To Bry: The Mike James
To Hill: Adrian Peterson

I think this is an obvious win for Bry.  Mike James runs.  Mike James hits.  Mike James throws touchdowns.  Mike James catches touchdowns.

Last I checked, Adrian Peterson had one good run all year.  He father's children out of wedlock and then doesn't even know they exist.  He plays for the Vikings.  Not sure how Bry was able to get The Mike James for only one player but he's obviously very persuasive.

Hill hurts his chances at a championship with this trade.  It makes no sense.  He traded, straight up, The Triple Threat Mike James for "Father Of The Year" Adrian Peterson.  I was temped to veto this trade due to collusion (perhaps Hill is giving Bry a super team so they can split the winnings at the end?) but that would be rash.

In any case.  Nice win Bry.

Its been a while... but guess who LOVES Mike James

Mike James, Buccaneers: OK, so yeah, not only did Mike James lead the league in rushing yards last week with 158 yards, against the Seahawks, in Seattle, but 68 of those yards came after contact. Not a fluke. This year, James has averaged 2.2 yards after contact per carry, second most in the NFL. Meanwhile, the Dolphins, who might be a little distracted this week, allow the third-most rushing yards after contact. They give up the third-most fantasy points to opposing running backs, he's somehow still available in 80 percent of leagues, and I'm playing against him in the ESPN War Room league, where I need a win and am without Jamaal Charles and Rob Gronkowski, so I assure you he's going off. Top 20 guy for me.

Drew Brees?

Still waiting for that....

The Flying Spagetti monster is real

I guess its not just a south park reference : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flying_Spaghetti_Monster

Week 9 Recap

I know you're all (Bry) are thinking, "well the commish wins, we get recap" but that's really not true.  I have just have a lot going on in my life right now and I really was hoping to get into an in depth discussion of my then 1-7 record and regret to this day it did not happen.  But now I'll attempt to make up for it and use my entire lunch to make sure all of you are completely satisfied.

The scores are going to suck from this week (with 2 exceptions) due to the amount of byes, so I won't get too crazy on them.

In the mother of all lucky wins, Mike Mintz gets the dream scenario.  It's not quite having players get into a car accident on the way to the game, but Aaron Rodgers getting hurt at the end of their first series and therefore rending Jordy Nelson useless and therefore ending Brown's fantasy season, is about as close as you can get.  Thiw was going to be an easy win for Adam Brown, but now Mike Mintz goes above .500 and squarely into a playoff spot.  Brown had to be feeling pretty good after getting 23 points from Flacco and getting a nice James Graham game.  But Rodgers fucked him right in the asshole.  He bent Adam Brown over, Lambeau Leap style, and just jammed it right in without lube.

Here's a post-rape Aaron Rodgers striding triumphantly from the scene of the crime.  Notice the look of satisfaction on his face:

Meanwhile, while Brown was busy crying into his rape towel, Mike got a big game from Brand Marsh to pull out the victory.  He also blew me up with a missile.  I never saw it coming.

Hemrick lost Matt Stafford, Reggie Bush, Eric Decker and Julius Thomas.  He still won.  Not only did he still win, he still put up 150 points.  Sometimes you just can't do anything wrong.  That appears to be Ryan Hemrick.  Maybe The Flying Spaghetti Monster is shining down him.  He sees Hemrick devolving into a Belliparian existence of whores and gambling and is trying to help him see the right path.  Actually, that doesn't sound so bad.  Maybe he's rewarding Hemrick?  In any case, he beat Bry, which is good b/c Bry was getting out control.  I don't think that pineapple meme brought him down at all.  Unfortunately he's still in first, so will likely remain insufferable until that changes.  Hemrick is on his heels now though.  And to be fair, if Sproles is healthy, this game is a toss up.

Here were the two scores that didn't suck, and unfortunately for Ferencz, they were both in the same match.  Scott had the good fortune of starting Nick Foles, and the two best running backs of the week in Zac Stacy and Chris Johnson.  This one Chris Johnson performance all but guarantees Scott picks him in the first round next year.  As for this year, the point total knocks him up 4th place.  Ferencz had some good injury replacements, but got screwed with Arian Foster being held out on Sunday night.  Even with a zero he put up 180 points.  That's legit.  A little bit more luck and Ferencz should make the playoffs easy.

A much needed win for Matt/Sean who finally get back in the win column to keep themselves in that last playoff spot.  The MNF performance of Ed Lace helped them make up for the awfulness that is now Matt Ryan and Geno Smith, who luckily for them ran for a TD.  Both of these defenses came up with TDs and had big games, so no advantage was gained there.  But the second coming of James Graham looks more like the second coming of Jared Cook, which has to worry the one-time league leader.  But once a full strength, both these teams should be just fine.

You know you've hit rock bottom when you beat a team and that effects the other owner enough to put the league on blast about trading his best player.  James literally paid zero attention until he lost to me.  That's not saying much for The Tom Brady Show.  Again, back to full strength, I expect James to do much better next week, esp with Gronk back and Brees back home and Gore back in the lineup.  For me, I'm 2 games out with 4 to play but my point totals have been suffering and I have to pass 3 other teams.  Not totally dead, but pretty much dead.

Did you know...

Mike "I have two First Names" James has more passing Touchdowns than Mark Sanchez this year?

Mike "Triple Threat" James

He just wants to say hi...

In other news....

Mike James could have done better than this.....

I'm Mike James B*tch!!!

The Tom Brady Show

Hi, remember me?  I'm still awesome.

DIDNT KNOW THIS WAS POSSIBLE!!!!!????

NSFW (Language) TMNT Like you never heard them before