Last week I referred to Hemrick's team as "a lump of shit". At about 8pm Sunday, Hemrick had to be thinking he had this in the bag. Mintz' team was out-shitting the lump of shit and was down 46 points going into the Sunday night game. But the Seattle D showed why they are the best and Andy Dalton did just enough after a slow start to steal a win for Mintz. Improbably, this puts Mintz at the top of the league, just like last season.
Hemrick meanwhile, is last in record and last in points. There's no way for him to go but up. Unless of course he goes further down. Well I guess there's two ways for him to go. As shown by our last matchup, it can always get worse. Speaking for worse, I almost forgot to mention that all three of Hemricks running backs, Jackson, Bush and MJD all got hurt. See, it's already worse. I knew you could do it!
I believe Colin Kaepernick has officially earned the Turd Of The Week Award.
Ha.....Turd.
In fact, that Scott put up 181 points with Kaepernick only getting 1.78 is downright scary. Aside from Emmanuel Sanders and CJ, I don't see many guys that are going to have bad weeks. The only thing that can derail his season are injuries. Michael Vick (who has won his 42nd consecutive Dog Killer Of The Week Award), is thriving in his new offense. Scott's team is going to be a problem for the rest of us, just like Matt/Sean, the common thread here is Chip Kelly. Wish I had the foresight to get in on that.
Browns week can be summed up like so:
And....
him too.
Also, get rid of Roethlisberger. He stinks. Good week overall though and congrats on your first win.
Must give Bry credit, he didn't jump off the James Jones bandwagon and it paid off handsomely. So did his draft pick of Julien Edelman, who must have petitioned the league to get the Pats a Thursday game so he would be off for Yom Kippur (there's the obligatory Jew joke, although it's not much of a joke).
There's not really much going on here. Both could use some help at QB2. But pretty good scores from both guys. Both are 1-1. Ummm....both have big eyebrows? I'm sure both will have their say on this blog anyway.
Congrats to Matt/Sean (who's now confirmed he's alive) on getting the high score of the week. They almost cracked 200 and that's getting nothing from TE and one RB. Their two pieces of that Chip Kelly offense is going to be tough for the rest of the league to deal with, and personally, if Bradford plays well, I think makes them to the early favorites to win it all. That's also when you consider Eddy Lacy (who is not quite dead yet) on their bench for Ridley, and the Falcon combo there.
And for myself:
It's not that bad. My points are good. If I started Jerm Finley I'd have been up around 175. Geo Bernard and Lamar Miller seem like they'll be fine. Same for Tavon Austin and Dwayne Bowe. Just stay the course Paul......just stay the course....
So I slacked off on Week 1. Big fucking deal. It's back for Week 2. Looks to me like 3 of the 5 match ups are still to be decided, while one technically is still alive, and one, mine sadly, is over.
Side note: the person who accused me of slacking is now late on his 2nd "Week In Review" in a row (last week never came) and his 3 Stars from Thursday gimmick. Your glass house is now a pile of shards sir.
So of course I'll start with the game that's least likely to change. This is an actual score from an actual Sandwich Fest game with the actual first place team after week 1. There's a chance after this game James is 10th in points and 2-0 (I'm assuming). In order for that to no happen, AJ Green will need to score 60 points. Figure he'll need at least 6 TDs to get close, and even then he'd still need 12 catches for 120 yards. I think he can do the 12 for 120. The 6 TDs might be tough Joe.
This one is probably 2nd least likely to change. A very close match that Brown was sweating throughout the day yesterday. He must've thought he was done with Kaepernick still go to, but we'll get to that tomorrow. As for tonight, Scott basically needs Roethlisberger to throw to Emmanuel Sanders only. It's probably not too often a receiver the likes of Sanders will outscore his QB by 6 points. However, one pick 6 by Large Benjamin and all of a sudden this becomes a game again. It's unlikely that Scott wins, but it could happen against a good Cincy D.
This one will be interesting. The defending champ will be praying for his first victory of the year, and holding his breath with every Andy Dalton pass. Cincy is loaded on offense. Green, Sanu, Bernard, Gresham and Eifert give Dalton a huge compliment of weapons and present different matchup problems for the defense. The good think Hemrick is the Steelers D is the only part of the Steelers that might be worth a damn. An 18 point game would be a good one for Dalton as I expect it to be tough sledding against the Steelers. But they should have the ball plenty. Turnovers will be the key here.
Hard to say if Hill got lucky or unlucky in this matchup, but again, we'll get to injuries and such in the recap. Hill already asked the very hacky question "What can Brown do for you?". The answer is 30 points. In order for that to happen, the Steelers will have to block people. You know what the Steelers can't do? Block people. Going to be tough for that Steelers offense to get going I think. But we've all seen Roethlisberger scramble around and make plays. Hill will need those plays to be bombs to Antonio Brown.
I wish my matchup was on here :(
Good game Matt/Sean. Although I think I'll start writing it like this: Matt and......Sean?
Going into the Sunday Night game, Lacy In Your Facey had
a lead with McCoy still to go. He needed
to avoid a big game by Victor Cruz and Mike Vick, but more Cruz in order to
hold on. Well…..
Cruz went for 35 points and had some big plays in a game
the Giants had to throw to get back in.
Despite Lesean McCoy looking great in putting up 26 points, Vick came
through for Scott and carried him the rest of the way for the win. Matt also got Ridley’d who fumbled without
being touched which led to this face from Bill Belichick:
And to a Ridley benching.
The rest of his team was actually pretty decent and I think we won’t see
Cecil Shorts next week or Ridley for that matter. This team will be fine.
Scott got only 22 points from his running backs (CHRIS
JOHNSON!!! NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!) but got encouraging performances from both his QBs
and all his WRs. Sorry Scott, but you’re
getting the shit end of the stick here b/c I’m all tapped out. Not sure what else to say really. Team looks good. Randall Cobb is good. Cruz is good.
Doug Martin is good. Chris
Johnson owes you a steak dinner or something though.
1M1D could not hold onto a big Thursday night lead and fell to the now
first-place The Holo What? Personally, I
liked Joe better before he was a millionaire and worked for a living and never
paid attention to fantasy.
I’m not keeping track nor will I go back to look, but I
can’t imagine any three WRs scored more than Joe’s. What the fuck is with Anquan Boldin? There’s no other receiver on the whole
team? Is that what I’m to
understand? Hold on:
There’s some other names there….can they throw it to them
at all? What an asshole that guy
is. If you told me on Friday that Tom
Brady and Arian Foster would finish below 20 points each, I’d bet all the money
I don’t have. But Anquan Fucking
Boldin. What the fuck man. What the fuck.
As for me, I’ve addressed the flex position by getting
Andy Luck. Now I just need a running
back, some wide receivers and maybe a tight end. I’m officially open for business. The Paul Cipriano Award is not making me feel better.
Mike Mintz distances himself from his Mike Mintz Award reputation
(that I alone have championed) and wins in the biggest blowout of the
week. The most surprising thing about
this is Hemrick scored only 110 points and still avoided the biggest blowout.
Let’s see how Mike did it. Going into the season we thought (I thought?)
running backs were his strength, but Spiller and TRich but shat the proverbial
bed. Instead, QBs Andy Dalton and Matt
Schaub were very good as was Jason Witten.
His WRs, also very strong on paper, actually came through. Larry Fitz and Brandon Marshall look like #1’s
and Mike Williams Tampa Bay amazing got 15 points in what might’ve been the worst
football game ever played. All of which
led to a very nice 189 points with two of his best players doing nothing.
Now to Bryan. His
running backs did what they were supposed to, hooray Bry. The bad news is we also have to play wide
receivers. Go ahead and add up their
point total….I’ll wait…………………………… what took you so long? Amazingly Brandon Myers put up 19 points in
garbage time but really this story begins and ends with the WRs. If Roddy White gets healthy though and RGIII
comes around for Garcon, he could be ok.
He might wanna call Mike though and work something out.
Just like the NFL defending champion, the Sandwich Fest
defending champion never showed up in this game and allowed James to capture
this week’s Mike Mintz Award.
Hemrick’s title may have gone to his head as he started
someone named Zach Sudfled at TE and decided to play #3 Colts WR TY Hilton over
a borderline #1 fantasy WR in Vincent Jackson.
His starting RBs were strong, but his WR’s averaged about 7 points each,
his TE put up the ol’ goose egg, and his flex, MJD, was non-existent. Even Kai Forbath only got 2 points. This is a pathetic effort for by a former
champion.
James’ score would’ve beat only one person, but fortunately
for James, we’re not using Scott’s Power Standings, so he’s up 1-0. He actually got some good performances from
some guys, in Brees, Manning, Hartline, Colston and even Gore, but got little
else from other guys. Not sure why Lynch
did so bad but that won’t last, and at least he’ll get Gronk back in Week
3. You know what they say, a win is a
win and James got a win. So that’s
something at least.
Another week of preseason games have concluded and with that comes more injuries. With only one more week left, hopefully we don't see any injuries to big-time players since I plan on having them all on my team.
Already a weak position, TE was hit with two injuries to sleepers.
Dustin Keller, formerly of the Jets, now of the Dolphins completely blew up his right knee. He tore his ACL, MCL, PCL, menisci and dislocated it. I haven't seen it, but I'd imagine it looked something like this:
He's out for the year. Obviously.
Colts TE Coby Fleener, who may or may not have had a big role in the Colts offense this year, left the game vs the G-Men with a "sprained" knee. Sprained is what they always say until the MRI shows a torn ACL. Then they say "torn ACL - out for the year." That MRI is still pending however but we should know today or tomorrow if he'll be draftable. Keep an eye on it, b/c I doubt you'll see an update from me.
Also in this game, Victor Cruz bruised heel by running on it. Running is a prerequisite for his job, preferably at a high speed. If he can't run, he won't have much fantasy value. This is one of those injuries that could be nothing and heel (get it?) in a week or two, or could nag him all year. Something to consider for all you Giants fans that were going to take Cruz as a WR1. /nodding at mintz
The Packers WRs are in some rough shape. Jordy Nelson had surgery and they are hoping he'll be back for Week 1, but it's a nerve issue, so they can't be certain.
Even worse, Randall Cobb, a bona fide WR1 in the Patented Sandwich Fest Advanced Scoring System (patent pending) has been out of practice and both preseason games with a biceps injury. I feel like a biceps injury is one you just throw some dirt on and get on with it. Apparently he's ready to do just that once Week 1 comes around, but he could lose out on his kick return duties, making him a candidate to find himself off Balls Deep this year.
Jordy Nelson has a nerve issue in his knee and instead of playing through pain all year, decided to have surgery to fix it. The Packers are hopeful he'll be back Week 1, but I'd say this knocks him down a couple of rounds in the draft. I figured we'd see Nelson go as a WR2 in Sandwich Fest, with some decent upside considering who his QB is, but I'd think this downgrades him to a WR3, or worse.
Not coming back for Week 1 is Chargers WR Denario Alexander - who fucking KILLED The Defending Champs in the playoffs last year (27.8 pts) - because he has torn his ACL. Alexander had 3 monster games last year and is a talented but often injured WR. I was actually hoping to pick him up as a nice high upside play. Now I'll have to find someone else.
If you're looking for a respite from the A-Rod coverage, please allow Sandwich Fest to be your desert oasis. On tap for today is a look back at the top 20 quarterbacks as per Sandwich Fest's patented Advanced QB Scoring System (patent pending).
(click to enlarge)
1. Aaron Rodgers - 431.60 pts. Clearly I'm not as dumb as Hemrick would have you believe since I traded for the #1 QB, Aaron Rodgers.
He just needed 1.96 more points in our opening round playoff matchup and you'd be looking at the two-time defending champion. Instead, I get shit from Hemrick. I'm over it. Swear. Obviously he'll be top-5 again. If you pick Aaron Rodgers and aren't an ungrateful bastard like Hemrick, you won't be disappointed.
2. Tom Brady - 417.78 pts. Speaking of not being disappointed, The Tom Brady Show checks in at #2. Hill and myself and anyone who's owned Tom Brady can tell you how fun it is. Pencil him for 30 every week and don't worry about the QB1 spot. The question is, can the great Tom Brady still be a top-5 QB without Aaron Hernandez (killed a bunch of people), Wes Welker (in Denver), and a compromised Gronk with his weekly off-season surgeries? Yes, he can. I mean, check this guy out. He has the hair Bry's always wanted.
3. Drew Brees - 410.58 pts. The Drew Brees hype is ramping up with Sean Peyton back and the same complement of weapons. He was the lone bright spot on PromNiteDumpsterBaby's also-ran squad and is no doubt looking forward to a new year. He has James Graham, so he should throw for at least 89 TDs this year.
obligatory James Graham photo
4. Peyton Manning - 402.46 pts. The 2nd piece of the Defending Champs all-star QB roster was Mr. Peyton Manning. Much like Tom Brady, if Peyton Manning is on the field, I expect him to dominate, and he did. He's back for 2013 and is top-5 option after finishing #4 last year. Even at age 37, he's still rocking a Grade A Manning Face as well.
5. Matt Ryan - 402.36 pts. Rounding out the top 5 is Matty Ice. He's also the last QB to top 400 Sandwich Fest points last year and it's not hard to see why. Accurate QB, throws in a dome, and has 3 elite receiving options and this year gets Steven Jackson to join the offense. No reason to think he won't be close to this again in 2013.
6-10. RGIII, Tony Romo, Cam Newton, Matthew Stafford, and Russell Wilson. Six through 10 includes four young QBs with upside and Tony Romo, who people used to hate, but now I think only Cowboys fans hate.
RGIII leads this group with 370 points, and could've hit 400 had he not missed a game. Unfortunately that could happen a lot. Dude took some big hits. And this:
"I broke my knee man"
But he was an absolute BEAST last year when healthy. Right Hill?
I'm surprised to see Russell Wilson made the top ten, but probably more surprised to see Newton and Stafford up this high. It seemed like they could've been even better, especially coming off big 2011 seasons. With Stafford, it took him awhile to get going. In his first five games, Stafford only had a QBR over 80 once and that was enough to kill Bry's season. And as far as I'm concerned, Cam Newton sabotaged The Holo What?, and I believe killed Joe's parents. What an asshole.
11-15. Matt Schaub, Andy Dalton, Andrew Luck, Joe Flacco, Ben Roethlisberger. Seeing Schaub, Flacco, Benny McRape, and to a lesser extent Andy Dalton, in the top 15 makes me feel like QB isn't as deep as I thought. Flacco already was without Anquan Boldin, and now Dennis Pitta is out too. Ol' Rapey has a rookie RB and lost Mike Wallace. Aside from Luck, this is a shaky group.
16-20. Eli Manning, Carson Palmer, Sam Bradford, Phil Rivers, Josh Freeman. Still not feeling great about this group. Although Eli, Palmer and Sammy are all in better situations this year (Eli due to injuries; Palmer in a better offense in Arizona; Rams using the draft to help out Bradford). The other two I think are almost done, Freeman especially.
Of the crew at 11-20, I can easily see 5 of them falling out of the top 20 this year. Who replaces them? Well for one, Kaepernick will get a full season now. And don't be surprised if this guy:
makes a jump with a new offensive coordinator and The Black Unicorn at TE. Other than those two, we could see Tannehill and Brandon Weeden get into that 16-20 range.
The Sandwich Fest patented Advanced QB Scoring System (patent pending) always makes QB's a unique proposition. Do you plan to play one in the flex or not? It's no longer an automatic.
At the top I want to make sure the draft info is clear after the little mix up earlier this week:
Draft Date: Friday August 30, 2013
Time: 8:00pm
Location: League Headquarters - Seaford, NY
Here is the order in which we'll be drafting:
SOFTBALL TOSS
RESULTS
FINAL DRAFT ORDER
1. James
2. Mintz
3. Bry
4. Brown
5. Scott
6. Commish
7. Ferencz
8. Hill
9. Hemrick
10. Sean/Matt
1. Bry
2. Scott
3. Brown
4. Ferencz
5. Hill
6. Hemrick
7. Mintz
8. Sean/Matt
9. Commish
10. James
Some thoughts:
1. James probably had the most rational reasoning for choosing the 10th spot over the first, saying "who am I to pick the best player? I know I can pick two average players. I'll pick 10th." You cannot miss on pick #1 and hope to win so I like the move by James, who lets face it, will do no work pre-draft.
2. With the #1 overall pick (aka Adrian Peterson) still on the board, Mintz decided to buck conventional wisdom and settle in at "lucky number 7". Now it's time for the compliment sandwich:
--Something nice: Mike, you have pleasant demeanor and are valued member of our league.
--Area of opportunity: YOU COULD'VE HAD THE #1 OVERALL PICK!!!!!
--Something nice: Congratulations on buying that house. You really have an eye for real estate.
3. Brown decided to take the 3rd overall pick and bypass the 2nd. It's a move that would indicate some kind of deep thought by Mr. Brown. I'm curious to know what it is. Maybe he just thought the third pick was cheaper?
4. Scott had to be thrilled to get the 2nd overall pick with the 5th selection. Likewise for Ferencz at pick 4 despite sitting #7 after the softballs.
5. I could've had pick 4 but instead decided to take 9. Not sure if that was smart, but I'm pretty sure I'll win the league anyway.
6. Sean/Matt land the 8th overall pick without having to lift a finger, just the way they like it.
It's all set boys. Start the research. Watch those preseason games. Take notes. Read articles. Prepare for the season is almost upon us!
I told myself I'm moving on from these "Off Season Reviews" but this voice in the back of my head kept whispering "percy harvin..." "percy harvin..."
So here we go. Another half-assed job with multiple half thoughts, poor construction, equally rough grammar, and limited research. You're welcome.
Rather than go by team, I'll just hit on the most notable players.
ANQUAN BOLDIN - 49ers
He was a good number three fantasy wide receiver during the regular season, but in the playoffs he elevated his game and played elite football. Twenty-two catches in 4 games, a 17 ypc average and 4 TDs. And some spectacular TDs. He used his size to shield defenders. On 50/50 balls he out-muscled defenders. But doesn't the regular season hold more weight?
In the regular season had 65 catches for 921 yards and only 4 TDs.
In the playoffs, he was on pace over 16 games for 88 catches for 1522 yards and 16 TDs.
He's now in a run heavy offense San Francisco. Then again, on paper Boldin is the #1 WR. And in the playoffs, he was Megatron-level. Can he do it all year?
PERCY HARVIN - SEAHAWKS
If he returns kicks he's a #1 WR in our scoring format. He's a big play waiting to happen and excelled with a piece of shit QB and no player that could threaten the outside of the field in Minnesota. Quick, name the next two WRs after Harvin in Minnesota. I can't remember them, but they suck (side note: don't draft any Vikings receivers this year).
Now Harvin goes to a potentially elite offense. Russell Wilson, Beast Mode, Sydney Rice, Golden Taint. Plus a defense that will force plenty of punts.
Harvin is dynamic and if healthy a stud. (Here's the part where I was gonna use "if healthy" as a nice segway to reference how many games Harvin's missed due to injury therefore hurting his fantasy value that should be much higher than it usually is. Turns out, he's only missed 3 games the last three years. I was wayyyyyyyyy off.)
Can't see much changing fantasy wise with Welker despite changing teams. Brady and Manning essentially play the same game now. Short slants, jerk routes, and crossing routes, with the occasional shots over the top. Brady used Welker to execute that game plan to great success. Expect Manning to do the same.
As far as personnel goes, Welker is far superior to the Broncos other underneath options, Jacob Tamme and Joel Dreessen. The Broncos, surprisingly to me, had the 6th most rushing attempts in the entire NFL, so they do use the run. But they also threw it the 10th most, so Welker should still catch plenty.
I don't expect much will change draft wise with Welker either. He'll go earlier then I think he will, I won't get him, and I'll hate not having him.
DANNY AMENDOLA - PATS
I call him the White Wes Welker. And with WWW, I can finally use all those Percy Harvin thoughts that didn't fit higher up (UPDATE 7/26/13 6:42AM: they kinda fit now). This guy can't stay healthy, which is a shame because in this offense he can catch 100 by Week 10. Unfortunately, last year Amendola dressed for only 11 games, and came out early in 2 of those. But when he does play he produces. He had games with 15 catches and 11 catches last year.
He should be a suitable replacement for Welker in a Patriots offense that since drafting Gronk and The Killer, have done most of their work between the hash marks. This year should be more of the same, and with the Killer going to jail for killing, it leaves even more targets for Amendola. Even better for Amendola, there's almost literally no one else to throw to. Gronk had 4 surgeries this summer. Brandon Lloyd is gone. And look at this roster. It's very New York Jets of them:
Watch out for TJ Moe (is it good if he doesn't have a number?) If White Wes Welker stays healthy.....
MIKE WALLACE - MIAMI
Here's what I've learned in two years of owning Mike Wallace: he kinda stinks. He's fast as fuck so he can get deep and make a big play or two, but he drops a ton of passes. He only caught about half the passes thrown to him, which with no research at all, I'm going to assume is a low percentage. But when he catches that 82-yarder, you'll be fucking pumped. High risk, high reward here. Also, Ryan Tannehill. Meh.
For Part 1 of the off season review, I helped you all out by giving you the interesting quarterback situations for you all to keep your eyes on. Now, in the interest of making this league interesting, and helping those of you who don't know Heath Miller from Zack Miller, I'll do the same with the running backs.
First, off the top of my head without having to look anything up:
THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS
David Wilson takes over for Ahmad Bradshaw, and as a Giants fan, this makes me happy. The Giants are one of the few teams left in fantasy that will commit to at least try to establish some kind of running game. While returning kicks, you could see Wilson has the ability to break big plays and as the primary back we may see that. He has top-5 fantasy potential at the position. There's just one little problem: he fumbles. Tom Coughlin HATES fumbles.
"I HATE FUMBLES!!!!!!!!!"
See. That's the look of a man that would do something crazy. Like bench David Wilson. Therefore keep Andre Brown in mind.
DENVER
Slick Willy McGahee is gone and who the starter is anyone's guess. Knowshon? Lance Ball? Ronnie Hillman? Whoever it is would be an RB2 at best since they figure to throw it most of the time. Except if there's one thing Peyton Manning loves, it's that draw play on 1st and Goal.
ATLANTA
Pretty much since he joined the league, Steven Jackson has been a top 10 back..........when he plays. Ok the top 10 thing might be debatable, but that's when he was on St. Louis. On Atlanta? He'll be the guy tasked with taking this offense to the next level. I believe, like the Giants, the Falcons wanna establish some kind of running game. And Jackson is guaranteed to be the goal line back. Again, injury caveat applies, but the risk-to-reward ratio just swung toward reward.
GREEN BAY
Ryan Grant had one good year five years ago, and since then Green Bay has been looking for a decent running back. Grant got hurt. James Starks didn't pan out. Alex Green got some games last year. Remember Ced Benson? This year they got the top RB in the draft, Eddy Lacy out of Alabama. If there's one rookie who could help and become a viable starter, it's Lacy. He'll have plenty of holes to run through and a clear path to #1 spot. Defenses will not be worried about stopping the run when Aaron Rodgers is on the field. Lacy has a chance.
INDIANAPOLIS
Ahmad Bradshaw's new team had no real running game last year and Luck took a ton of hits.
like this
...and this....
even the Jets got him
Evidence dictates that they should start running the ball. Bradshaw should get the most carries considering his competition is Donald Brown and Vic Ballard. Keep in mind, Bradshaw is an elite pass blocker and has good hands. So he figures to be on the field the most and to get some check down points.
DETROIT
I still believe Reggie Bush has some good football left. Watch this for a minute or so:
Nothin wrong with that. In this offense, there's potential for a lot of carries, and even better, A LOT of catches. Titus Young is a crazy bastard and was released (seriously a crazy bastard: http://deadspin.com/titus-young-arrested-again-503570801) and Black Wes Welker is more like Black Julian Edleman. Besides Bush and Johnson. Always a winning duo.
JETS
It looked like they did well when they got Mike Goodson. Then Mike Goodson did this: http://espn.go.com/new-york/nfl/story/_/id/9286124/mike-goodson-new-york-jets-arrested-drug-weapons-charges. So new Jets GM Dan Something, traded for Chris Ivory at the draft. Ivory got into some games two years ago for New Orleans and did very well. He looked good last year in limited action. Now he gets his chance. The Jets QB situation is a disaster. This could lead to 30 carries per game, OR, they could be so bad the offense is never on the field. But Ivory has talent.
ARIZONA
The Adam Bergen All Stars have retooled their offense and brought in Mendenhall to go with Carson Palmer. Ryan Williams may get yet a 3rd chance to prove himself, but usually he just winds up getting hurt. Mendy will be a full year removed from ACL surgery, so maybe he gets a step back.
As a public service to the best fantasy league/managers in the world, I figure I'd recap, position by position, some of the moves that will effect the fantasy football landscape for this upcoming season. I'll go position by position. QB seems like the logical place to start.
Pay attention kids and maybe you too could join the ranks of Ryan Hemrick or Chris Hill or Bryan Cox as a Sandwich Fest Champion.
KANSAS CITY
They got rid of Matt Cassell and traded a 2nd round pick for Alex Smith.
KC has talent offensively. Jamaal Charles and Dwayne Bowe are two of the best at their positions. They added Anthony Fasano at TE. Jonathan Baldwin is a former first round pick in his 2nd year. And of course everyone's favorite Chief, Clusty.
Smith will have to prove he's more than just a Mormon with small hands that has multiple wives but can't excel in an offense where they don't run the ball 40 times per game. Chase Daniel was brought in to back him up. He is more than a nothing backup and spent the last 4 years learning under Drew Brees. For his career he's 7 of 9 for 55 yards. Obviously you can see the potential.
OAKLAND
In Oakland, Matt Flynn will finally get his shot. How will it turn out? No idea. This is Oakland, a perpetual disaster for the last decade. Ok so I guess I have some idea.
Will he have any help out there? Can DMC stay healthy? Who's the starting TE with Meyers on the Giants? More importantly, the wideout depth chart shapes out like so:
Denarius Moore
Rod Streater
Josh Cribbs
Jacoby Ford
Godspeed Matt Flynn.
ARIZONA
Arizona acquired Carson Palmer from the Raiders. Carson Palmer is not great but he has one quality you cannot dispute: He is not Kevin Kolb, Ryan Lindley or John Skelton.
The story of this move is really Larry Fitzgerald. Carson Palmer can throw a football. He gets hit too much,. He throws it to the wrong team too much. But he's not completely incompetent and that's all Larry Fitzgerald needs. Clearly I don't think Carson Palmer has much left but I'd bet he is viable enough to make Larry Fitzgerald a top 5 WR again.
Palmer could prove to be a nice matchup play in the 2nd QB spot, especially at home where he'll have ideal conditions. A supporting cast of Andre Roberts, Rashard Mendenhall, Rob Housler and rookie Ryan Swope will help as well. It's not totally crazy to think Palmer could be in a lineup at some point this year.
BUFFALO
Ryan Fitzpatrick is no longer in Buffalo. So no more 25 for 60 for 225 yards, 1 TD and 3 INT. Instead you'll probably see EJ Manuel start. He's a rookie that wasn't that good in college and now they're expecting him to be a franchise QB in Buffalo. He's like Christian Ponder, only blacker. Kevin Kolb is also there but if they're determined to play a shitty QB, they might as well play the rookie.
NEW YORK JETS
Ok, so you're Rex Ryan. You just finished licking your wife's feet and now need to pick a starting QB.
Do you pick this guy:
Or this guy:
There is no a chance that in a new offense, Sanchez could do alright. But let's face it, the only chance a Jets QB has to be drafted in our league is if it's Geno Smith. Ok, you can go back to the feet now.
PHILADELPHIA
The Iggs have a new coach and three QBs to choose from. Chip Kelly drafted Matt Barkley in the 4th round, to join Nick Foles and Mick Vick in a competition for the starting job. I have to think it's gonna be Vick still. He's almost a sure bet to get hurt, but he's the best one on the roster. Barkley has potential, but he's still a fourth round pick. It would take a lot for him to get the nod. And something named Nick Foles just doesn't sound like a starting NFL QB to me.
"Hey did you see Nick Foles threw for five TDs last night?" See what I mean?
QUICK NOTES
A couple of backups who might be viable if the starter is out and the match up is good. Matt Hasselbeck is backing up Andy Luck in Indy, and Jason Campbell is in Cleveland. Hold on, Jason Campbell stinks. Forget that one. Matt Cassell is in Minnesota now and as previously mentioned, Christian Ponder is the white EJ Manuel. Cassell could see some time before this year is out.
Last season was a tough one for Mr. Sanchez. He regressed in almost every facet of the game. Perhaps having Jesus as a backup caused some undue pressure. How else can one explain a QB rating of 66.1? Or a completion percentage close to 50/50? Or having 5 more INTs than TDs?
All that pressure did lead to one spectacular moment. One that has become synonymous (i just spelled synonymous right w/out spell check. Suck it bitches) with the Jets. Now this moment has been immortalized in silent movie form.
I present to you "An Unfortunate End" starring Mark Sanchez:
Yes, The Buttfumble lives on. Mark Sanchez? His legacy is now second only to Broadway Joe in Jets lore.
Emails are nice and sometimes fun, but what's even better? A hub where we can all come for recaps, transaction analyses, draft reviews, trash talk, pictures of Jay Cutler smoking (see below), and Aaron Hernandez in handcuffs. A place where any one can post anything they like.
You guys will all get access and pretty much anything goes. I expect and hope the comment section will be what the email chains were: ruthless trash talking, jew jokes, drug references, and all around bitterness come Monday mornings.
You can post videos, pictures, links, etc. and it's pretty easy to use, especially if you have gmail or a google account.
For now though, please respond to the draft email via email for now so we can nail down a date. THE TIME IS ALMOST HERE. SANDWICH FEST '13, HERE WE COME!
