Throwback Thursday

I have several deadlines - my boss is currently staring at me with daggers from across the room...however...
Throwback Thursday YAY

I found a good one in honor of Mr. Brown's recent birthday. Hope you had a good one Brown and you made your proper offerings to Moses: macaroni pictures, popcorn necklaces and soap carvings.

Subject: Monday Implications - Week 3
Date: 09/28/09

Another week down and the season is flying.  A pecking order is being established and some teams need to find some luck in the matchup department.  We also this week saw one of the most pathetic displays in fantasy football history, which featured Byron Leftwich in the starting lineup, and a borderline miracle victory for one team that I'm sure would've had Mintz cursing the TV out last night, if he wasn't just getting back from Las Vegas.  Also I'd like to get an idea if people are interested in doing a Football Feast at Main Event again on Oct. 11.  G-men play at one that day but against Oakland which is close to a bye.  I want to do one before the Giants bye week (Week 10) and then one during their bye, then one more just before playoffs.   That can be discussed later, just wanted to get the idea out there.  Speaking of bye weeks, they start this week, so get that excuse ready.  Anyway, onto the games:

 

PitinosAbortedFetus 90.28 (3-0) def. OsiEatsBabies 87.14 (2-1).

I think the cutoff for a "Mintz win" is 90 pts so you avoided that, but still kinda sad totals for both of you.  If you read my 'Monday Implications' yesterday, I charted a way for Ferencz to actually win this, but never thought it was possible.  Here's what I wrote: "Going into tonight's game Mintz is down about 4.5 points to Ferencz and still has D'Angelo Williams and John Kasay going.  Ferencz has Nick Folk.  While it's unlikely Ferencz will hang on here, it's not impossible.  I expect Dallas to win by double digits and to come out flying.  Lots of points for Dallas means lots of points for their kicker.  Let's say Folk puts up 12 points, will Williams and Kasay put up 17 points combined to win?  Probably will, but Ferencz is definitely still alive here.....barely, but alive nonetheless."

 

Well Williams was killing the Cowboys on the ground but let me ask you this: If you had Jake Delhomme as your QB and were down by 3 whole points with a quarter and half still to play, you'd throw the ball all over the place and abandon the run too right?  Williams ripped off a couple of big gains and would've kept the Panthers in it.  He was most definitely their best chance to win.  John Fox will get canned at the end of the year and this will be the game they look at as why he's gone.  Does that make you feel better at least Mintz?  Letting John Fox take the heat for you?  No?  Didn't think so.  At least you're still over .500.  3--0 wouild be better though...like Ferencz, he's 3-0.  See what happens when Jason Campbell isn't around to infect your roster? 

 

The Huck N' Tuck 98.14 (3-0) def. 2008 Detroit Lions a.k.a Donte Drink & Drive 89.64 (0-3)

If you know Sean like myself, Joe, and Brown know Sean, then his luck needs no explaination other than to say it's historically bad.  No where was this more evident than on Sunday in what turned out to be a very winnable matchup.  Sean had to work early Sunday and wasn't really in tune w/ the fantasy football world, nor could he be.  So how was he supposed to know that Dwayne Bowe was declared out at the last minute with a sprained ankle?  How can you explain that Terrell Owens got shutout for the first time in I think 187 games?  Wow.  Really Sean, tough break man.  To still put up almost 90 points with two zeros is pretty impressive, unfortunately not enough to stop The Huck N Tuck who keeps plugging along, albeit with his lowest score of the year, but nonetheless is still in first place.

 

I Love (Fedor's) Mams 114.68 (1-2) def. StellasFella 111.66 (0-3)

James held a 17 point lead going into last nights game and the Romo/Witten combo did just enough for Hemrick to get the win.  James now joins Sean in the ranks of the winless but top 6 make the playoffs, so right now you guys are only two games out with plenty to still play, that's the good news.  The bad news is you lost to the worst team in the league which means, maybe it's not the worst team in the league.  I won't come right out and say who the new worst team is, but I would direct your attention to what people are saying about the Redskins this week.  Really though a pretty good week for Jimbo, only his TE spot appears to be a real liability at this point.  As for Mams, congrats on your first ever fantasy football victory (I don't know if you guys can tell but this is his first season doing this) and I hope you have less than me at the end of the season...and that Reggie Wayne dies in a fire.

 

AntoniosGotAGun 136.34 (1-2) def. Balls Deep 95.18 (2-1)

Inspired by the words of Coach Jim Fassel, AntoniosGotAGun took the field this weekend on mission.  With a renewed sense of purpose, desire, and intensity, AntoniosGotAGun was unmatched in the league and put up the most points in the history of fantasy football (I have to check on that).  I want to personally thank MJD, who destroyed the Texans this week.  Scott, I'm sorry but we were on a mission and we will not stop until the trophy that doesn't exist is sitting on my mantle (or on the floor in my room).  The record says 1-2 but AntoniosGotAGun leads the league in points and is looking forward to taking on The Huck N Tuck next week.  As for Scotty, it was a pretty good week but every player was average, and Kurt Warner is was a little below average.  Anybody worried about Warner?  He didn't look good.  You want Matty Ice, Joe Flacco?  All I require is Vincent Jackson and Chris Johnson.  We'll talk about it.

 

Whammy 132.00 (2-1) def. Thepenismightier 56.14 (1-2)

I just want to start off by saying Bry, with help from interim manager Brian Uhl, has come back and is now in fourth place in the league winning his last two games and made some saavy roster moves (I'm just saying that to say something, not really going to look it up, besides I want to get to Brown).  Well done Bryan and Brian, keep it up.  

 

56.14.  Fifty-six point one four.  This team is a disaster.  Remember week one Brown, when everything seemed to be coming up roses for you?  Remember when Zach Miller put up a 10-point game?  Remember AP28 going for over 40 points?  Remember Derrick Ward gashing the Cowboys for 80 yards and a TD?  Well on the Jewish day for attonement, I hope you attoned for this debacle.  Didn't you learn what happens when you play people against the Giants D?  I guess not because you decided you'd listen to the fantasy experts and put Byron Leftwich in.  HE GOT NEGATIVE 1.82 POINTS, hahahahahaha.  Negative points!  From a QB! Hahahaha.  How about Derrick Ward?  Well he went for 90 yards so that's not too - wait, I read that wrong, it's .90 not 9.0.  That's terrible.  Other than Aaron Rodgers, nobody on the entire team got over 10 points.  In fact if you take away Rodgers and Peterson, his next highest point total was from his kicker, Neil Rackers, who had 4 points.  Wow.  I think we're done here.

 

 

POWER RANKINGS

1. The Huck N Tuck (3-0) 348.36 pts - will stay here until he gets beat or pulls a 'Mintz win' but has a tough matchup this week.

2. Balls Deep (2-1) 342.18 - does have a loss but ran into a buzz saw this week.  Warner and Chris Johnson will both be better and his WRs (Jennings, Jackson) are solid too.

3. Whammy (2-1) 318.28 - might be the highest he's ever ranked but 2-1 is 2-1.  Marshall might be waking up, Peyton is killing it, and he put up 132 w/out Gore.

4. PitinosAbortedFetus (3-0) 313.06 - he's only here b/c he's 3-0.  You're fifth in points though so got some lucky matchups in there.  Once Brady gets Welker back the points should increase though.

5. AntoniosGotAGun (1-2) 356.98 - 1-2 in the league, first in points.  Where's the justice?  I'm coming for you Huck N' Tuck!!

6. OsiEatsBabies (2-1) 311.68 - I don't trust Eli (in fantasy), Ray Rice, or Lee Evans, but with Anthony Gonzalez out Dallas Clark just became like a #1 receiver.

7. I Love (Fedor's) Mams (1-2) 285.36 - Reggie Wayne is going to be the best receiver in fantasy this year.  If Romo ever gets his act together Mams could make a playoff run.

8. 2008 Detroit Lions (0-3) 272.38 - In most other weeks he would've gotten a win, unfortunately he still has none.  No teams are out of it in Sandwich Fest, including the '08 Lions.

9. Stella's Fella (0-3) 293.64 - actually 7th in the league in points, but 0-3 is 0-3.  Maybe the 111 point week this week will carry over...or maybe not.

10. Thepenismightier (1-2) 258.08 - 56.14

 

WEEK 4 MATCHUPS

The Huck N Tuck vs AntoniosGotAGun

PitinosAbortedFetus vs Balls Deep

Whammy vs OsiEatsBabies

Thepenismightier vs I Love (Fedor's) Mams

Stella's Fella vs 2008 Detriot Lions - somebody has to win right?

 

WEEK 4 BYES - Atlanta, Philly, Arizona, Carolina

 

Paul Cipriano

Liability Claim Representative ELCO Administrative Services PO Box 541548 Flushing, NY 11354

718-762-3020 ext. 306 direct 718-762-3119 fax

mailto:e573c4@erac.com

Fantasy Football Injury Report

I hope this it's ok with Hill to report this (he's a little bigger than Coby Fleener) but Lev'eo'n B'el'l of the Pittsburgh Steelers is out the next 6-8 weeks with a Lisfranc (it's in the foot......moron) injury.

Bell is a rookie out of Michigan State taken in the second round.  He already worked his way to #1 on the depth chart (not that there was much competition) but got hurt 4 plays into his first game and now is off the grid until mid-season.

Now the question is, are you gonna be the guy that picks him up off waivers 8 weeks from now and claim "I think I'm gonna be ok at running back now, I picked up Le'Veon Bell"?

Don't be that guy.

For now it's back to a Jonathan Dwyer/Ike Redman/LaRod Stephens-Howlings poo-poo platter.

One less potential RB2 available in the draft.

Happy Birthday To That Jewish Kid In Our League

You know who I'm talking about.

The Storyteller:

The Life Of The Party:

The Ladies Man:

The Parole Officer:

The Jew:

The Jew:

The Jew:

The Jew:

The Jew:

The Jew:

Happy Birthday Brown, you old fuck.

Ryan Hemrick, Sandwich Fest's Favorite Pastafarian, Arrested In Russia!

Eight people, who refer to themselves as "Pastafarians", were detained by police in Moscow for participating in an unsanctioned protest.

 "Pastafarians" are followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.  They were advocating a boycott of all religious based alcohols (presumably this does not include Vodka, particularly when mixed with Minute Maid Low-Calorie Lemonade).

We have all seen Hemrick give praise to the F.S.M. (no disrespect meant Hemrick) on may occasions during the Sandwich Fest season and at this point his whereabouts are unknown.  We can only assume he has sacrificed for the cause.

If anyone has seen this man, please get a message out to the American Embassy ASAP.

Fantasy Football Injury Report

Another week of preseason games have concluded and with that comes more injuries.  With only one more week left, hopefully we don't see any injuries to big-time players since I plan on having them all on my team.

Already a weak position, TE was hit with two injuries to sleepers.

Dustin Keller, formerly of the Jets, now of the Dolphins completely blew up his right knee.  He tore his ACL, MCL, PCL, menisci and dislocated it.  I haven't seen it, but I'd imagine it looked something like this:

He's out for the year.  Obviously.

Colts TE Coby Fleener, who may or may not have had a big role in the Colts offense this year, left the game vs the G-Men with a "sprained" knee.  Sprained is what they always say until the MRI shows a torn ACL. Then they say "torn ACL - out for the year."  That MRI is still pending however but we should know today or tomorrow if he'll be draftable.  Keep an eye on it, b/c I doubt you'll see an update from me.

Also in this game, Victor Cruz bruised heel by running on it.  Running is a prerequisite for his job, preferably at a high speed.  If he can't run, he won't have much fantasy value. This is one of those injuries that could be nothing and heel (get it?) in a week or two, or could nag him all year.  Something to consider for all you Giants fans that were going to take Cruz as a WR1. /nodding at mintz

The Packers WRs are in some rough shape.  Jordy Nelson had surgery and they are hoping he'll be back for Week 1, but it's a nerve issue, so they can't be certain.

Even worse, Randall Cobb, a bona fide WR1 in the Patented Sandwich Fest Advanced Scoring System (patent pending) has been out of practice and both preseason games with a biceps injury.  I feel like a biceps injury is one you just throw some dirt on and get on with it.  Apparently he's ready to do just that once Week 1 comes around, but he could lose out on his kick return duties, making him a candidate to find himself off Balls Deep this year.

Happy Birthday Scott

In honor of Scott's birthday, here's some Chris Johnson highlights:

"Happy Birthday To Scott, Happy Birthday To Scott"

Throwback Thursday

This is like that idiotic trend of posting old pictures of you and your friends on facebook from middle / high school or whatever except better. A lot better. I still get made fun of a lot...but it's still better.

==============================

Subject: Week 1 recap - actual

Date: 09/15/2009

The first week of Sandwich Fest is in the books.  There were winners, losers, huge embarrassments, and lucky victories.  The transactions are picking up as everyone overreacts to the first week of games.  Three of the 5 matches hung in the balance going into last night and I expect the upcoming week to be equally as close...just being optimistic really, I have no basis for that thought.  Now since I know some of you don't read past the first couple of lines in a rush to try to be a) more witty then the original email (impossible) or to b) complain (the waiver issue is fixed, everyone exhale), I'll just put a reminder up top here about Sandwich Fest Football Feast Volume 1 (feat. special guest star and Michael Strahan's best friend Joe Gannon).  Time will be 1 o'clock, venue TBD, but most likely The Main Event in Plainview.  As for the Week 1 matches, we'll start w/ the blowouts.

Balls Deep 123.58 (1-0) vs. Stella's Fella 88.90 (0-1)

Yay, James actually gets something written about his team!!!  But only after a little praise for the team that tooled him.  A solid effort by the Balls Deep (an apt name in this case) squad.  Scott didn't have a single player over 20 pts, but every player contributed except of Owen Daniels, who plays for the Texans and they all sucked.  Balls Deep had 7 of his 11 players put up at least 10 pts (including his kicker and defense) and if it wasn't for a Tomlinson fumble, it would've been 8.  James had a bad week from Rivers (for Rivers anyway), Berrian (did he even play), Portis (who played the G-Men), and Shiancoe (wasn't good enough for the Giants).  However James got a promising outing from the Green Bay D, who I ridiculed you for taking in the Draft Recap, although it's still too early to make a clear call on that.  Next up for Stella's Fella is Huck N Tuck.  Balls Deep will be taking on Donte Drink N Drive.

PitinosAbortedFetus 139.06 (1-0) vs. Whammy 73.84 (0-1)

Whammy: a bad name, and a worse team (whammy!).  Although he could've had any other team in the league and still lost to Ferencz, who got the best week out of any defense in the history of fantasy football (Phila, 34pts).  Short of that, and Tom Brady, Pitino might be more smoke and mirrors then a talent, but it's the first week and he's in first place so I can't go crazy here can I?  Whammy already got Willie Parker out of his starting line up so that will help.  Maybe putting the 40-year-old QB with a bum shoulder, who hadn't gone to training camp, played in only 3 quarters in the preseason, and is trying to learn a new offense in the Flex spot wasn't the best move.  Or maybe that's just my 4th cup of coffee talking (jk, it was a bad move).  Live and learn Bry, live and learn..

Week 2: Pitino vs penismightier; Whammy vs I Love Mams.

OsiEatsBabies 74.64 (1-0) vs. Donte Drink & Drive 72.34 (0-1)

Well this was the closest game of the weekend...that's about all I got on this one.  74 points?  Really?  That won?  Even Whammy could've won this (just piling on now for fun).  Osi and Donte, to their credit, are both working the free agent market trying to upgrade their teams in the wake of this disturbingly pathetic effort.  Osi got subpar outings from Dallas Clark, Roddy White, Steve Slaton, and Lee Evans.  Two will come around, two I have my doubts on, specifics will not be given so as to not give advice, but I don't believe this team is this bad.  Ray Rice put up a TD and he also had the Jets D on the bench.  Donte is still putting his team together after his no-show for the draft.  He fell victim to the Texans as well as Matt Schaub did his best Jason Campbell impression, and no one would start Jason Campbell would they? (hint: Joe Ferencz did).  Aside from that, he just had an off week but has a talented roster (Turner and Jacobs did nothing) and he already got rid of Laveranues Coles.  He also brought in Cadillac Williams who looked good but will most likely blow a tire (get it? It's a car reference. That's funny.) again and leave Sean cursing the Flying Spaghetti Monster once again.

Week 2: Osi vs Antonio; Donte vs Balls Deep.

thepenismighier 118.72 (1-0) vs. AntoniosGotAGun 111.64 (0-1)

Zach Miller crushed my hopes and dreams less the 10 mins into the game last night.  I held out hope that the Raiders would be an atrocity, but like the Bills, they played winning football for 3 and half quarters, before finally playing like the Raiders.  Brown was able to survive despite a kicker that put up a -2 (true story) thanks mostly to Peterson (AP28 - can I pull that off as a nickname?  I think he deserves one) and Matt Hasselbeck.  Also remember when I took Baltimore just before him and let him punch me in the face b/c of it?  Well he took Pittsburgh instead and outscored me 15-3.  At least I got punched in the face though...awesome.  We both had NOTHING from our WRs, Steve Smith (carolina) B Edwards and Housh for Brown and A Johnson, Royal and D Jackson for me.  This match really came down to defense and Peterson and I lost on both counts.  I did have the most points of any losing team, but the key there is LOSING team, kms.  Congrats to Brown on a solid week and an exciting match that you were lucky to win.

Week 2: see above.

Huck N Tuck 133.50 (1-0) vs. I Love (Fedor's) Mams 108.90 (0-1)

This was the last close match going into last night but Huck pulled away thanks to Moss, Gates and Kaeding.  The San Diego D didn't do nearly enough for Mams to keep him in this game.  All in all though a good first fantasy week for Hemrick who put up a very respectable number.  Romo and Reggie Wayne killed it for Mams, and he got the screwgie when Anthony Gonzalez left the Colts game early (although Wayne probably would've put up less points then).  Matt Forte will be better in the future Hemrick, don't get discouraged yet.  As for Huck, two words: Drew Brees.  Also nice pickup w/ Mike Bell who put up a 12-spot.  The rest of his team was average, but he got a minimum of 7 points from every position and the Giants D (thanks to Osi) put up a 15.  Huck was #1 in the preseason rankings and showed why in week 1.  He plays Stella's Fella next week and if you check the posts on the league website you'll know why this could be some fun smack talk to read throughout the week.  Mams takes on Whammy.

POWER RANKNGS - Week 1

1. Huck N Tuck - put up a solid week, no need to move him down now.

2. PitinosAbortedFetus - I know you have more points, but if your defense puts up over 30 pts again I'll convert to Judaism.

3. thepenismighter - I f'n hate Adrian Peterson

4. Balls Deep - solid yet unspectacular in victory

5. AntoniosGotAGun - I know I lost, but I had the most points out of all the losers and if you win with under 80 pts, it doesn't count*

6. I Love Mams - put up over a hundo in his first week.

7. Stella's Fella - made me eat it on the Green Bay D. 2 good QB's and Rivers will be better next week.

8. Donte Drink & Drive - yes he ranks ahead of the team he lost to.  Team is good, he's just working out the kinks right now.

9. OsiEatsBabies - you won, so you have that going for you and your WRs will be better, but get a QB, seriously.

10.Whammy - not all hope is lost.  Gore looked good, and Warner can't be that bad all year so Boldin has to be better and Parker is already out of his starting lineup. 

* - new official commissioner rule

Paul Cipriano

Liability Claim Representative ELCO Administrative Services PO Box 541548 Flushing, NY 11354

718-762-3020 ext. 306 direct 718-762-3119 fax

mailto:e573c4@erac.com

2009 Draft Results

"I can't figure out this dumb blog crap...so here is my post" - Sean Wachter

(That title is an actual quote from an actual I.T. guy.)

Who is the worst team owner in the league?

What you see below is a draft made by a certain owner in the league.  It's been sitting in the "draft" box for about a month.  Rather than let it sit there, I thought, why not let this see the light of day?  All italics are the commish.

Well we all know I am most consistent FFB Sandwichfest Manager since we started this so who has been the worst?  Here are some options in no particular order

1) Matt/Sean
 1) mainly do each other in the butt
 2) he constantly screams in his emails (see also: Brown, Fame)
 3) his teams have been just subpar (real creative Hill)

side note: excellent dog trainer and loves Little Giants so take that into consideration

2) Mike Mintz?
 1) Questionable drafting strategy - ie. Hearbreak Kid and Tim Hightower?
 2) inventor of the quad box tape.
 3) has he made the playoffs?

3) James Guerriero?
 1) his last name is incredibly hard to spell
 2) Does no research whatsoever
 3) for a while he was doing Yoga over watching football
 4) spent an entire season making a single speed bike instead of watching football.  Side bet: over/under times he's ridden that bike?  The line is 2.

4) Fame Brown
  1) once had a blowout
  2) once drafted Heath Miller instead of Zach Miller
  3) prefers Chinese food over football Sunday.

Id also put Joe on here, but for sympathy reasons, I cant...those dead parents are really paying off for you Joe.  Wouldn't want to be on this list /sarcasm.  (but seriously Joe, read one draft preview in the next two weeks please.)

Thoughts?

2012 Sandwich Fest Off Season Review: Running Backs

Last week I did you all a favor and reviewed the QB's.  This week the RBs.  This shit is WEIRD. The top half is who you would expect.  The bottom half is where it gets a little dicey.  Here's the top 20 as per Sandwich Fest's patented Advanced Scoring System (patent pending).

(click to enlarge)

1. Adrian "All-Day" Peterson - 353.40 pts.  He was nine yards away from setting the all-time rushing record, so I'd say it's no surprise he's #1.  That he's #1 by 40 points is a bit of a shock but that's why they call him All-Day.  Remember when we were wondering if he could come back from an ACL?  Me either.  He's the best running back since Barry Sanders.  He's going to be the #1 pick in our upcoming draft.  Right Bry?

2. Doug Martin - 314.60 pts.  This guy would be closer to AP except he took about 7 weeks to start doing anything.  I know because I traded him after 6 weeks.  Hill reaped the rewards and rode The Muscle Hampster (worst nickname ever) to the finals.  Thru his first 6 games (7 weeks) he was averaging 68 yards per game and had 2 TDs total.  In Week 8 he went for 135 and a TD.  In Week 9 he rushed for TWO HUNDRED AND FIFTY ONE YARDS AND FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TD'S.  Fuck you Hill, I should've let you ruin your season.

3. Arian Foster - 302.10.  Almost a shock he's not higher.  Foster has 41 TD's in the last 3 seasons. When healthy, he catches the ball, runs for big yardage and converts inside the 5.  Let's face it, the Texas have two players, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster.  The only question with Foster is how much longer can he do it without completely breaking down?

4. Ray Rice - 283.10.  Rice ran for 1,143 and caught 60 passes and I still expected more from him. Bernard Pierce came out of nowhere and took whole series from Rice.  Regardless, he's firmly in the 2012 top 5 for Sandwich Fest.  Without Pitta and Boldin for 2013, the Ravens are suddenly looking very Jetsian so Rice might get even more catches this year.  He might be the most durable of all the fantasy studs (no homo) too.  Some backs are nipping at his heels this year and he could fall out of the top 5, but still should be an RB1.

"Please don't kill me...."

5. Marshawn Lynch - 269.60.  This might be the first surprise on this list.  Always a solid #2, Lynch jumped up to the top 5 with over 1,500 yards and 12 total TDs.  He was a workhorse for a team with a rookie QB, getting 315 carries and staying healthy all season.  Lynch is a beast and he's on a good team so the production carry over.

Dude loves Skittles

6. Darren Sproles - 260.50
7. C.J. Spiller - 255.30
8. Alfred Morris - 255.00
9. Trent Richardson - 254.70
10.Jamaal Charles - 245.15

As you can see the guys at 6 through 9 were less than 6 points apart.  Sproles in a PPR with return yards was a lock for Top 10 in Sandwich Fest.

Spiller always had the talent, and finally took over when Fred Jackson got injured and never looked back.

Trent Richardson is starting to get the "if healthy" caveat and it could stick, but he's a potential stud in the making.

Charles rushed for over 1500 yards when the Chiefs were almost as bad at QB as the Cardinals.  Only had 5 TDs and 35 catches.  I expect that to go up this year.

I saved Al Morris for last because he doesn't catch the ball, and I'm not convinced he's going to get 335 carries again this year.  The other 4 all seem to be trending up and any of them could be in the top 5 in Sandwich Fest in 2013.

You might be worse this year.  Still good.  But worse.

11. Frank Gore - 230.80
12. Matt Forte - 221.40
13. Chris Johnson - 211.50
14. Reggie Bush - 206.80
15. Stevan Ridley - 205.40

How about Frankie Gore still getting it done as an RB2?  He's a guy I'll never draft but is rock solid especially in that offense.  I believe he was on Hill's team last year and provided a nice depth play once Doug Martin got going.

Matty Forte get vultured by Michael Bush on the regular, but catches enough passes to make him viable in The Fest.

Chris Johnson had his moments but doesn't look like he'll ever bounce back into top 5 territory.  He'll no doubt still be Scott's first-round pick come August 30th.

Reggie Bush moves on to Detroit where he could improve on the 35 catches he had in 2012.

Ridley is a pain in the ass to own. The Patriots will start a fourth-string lineman at RB if they think the have an advantage.  Ridley was off the field far too much, but still topped 200 points.  He's talented, but needs playing time.  He also won't catch any passes.

16. Steven Jackson
17. Lesean McCoy
18. Shonn Greene
19. Mikel Leshoure
20. Ahmad Bradshaw

This is where it starts getting weird.  Shonn Greene?  Who would've ever guess Shonn Greene was an RB2 in The Fest? It's making me question our entire scoring system.  I feel like the league's integrity is in question.  If I could Photoshop, I'd have removed him from the list.  And what's Lesean McCoy doing down here?  Is he "injury prone" or was it a freak thing?  Is he the new Steven Jackson or will he bounce back?

I quit

#Buttpick

he smelled his fingers after

Poor Bry

I finally signed up for the league and there was a little message on the league page saying the following:

No Medals Yet...

Amazingly, Bryan has not earned ANY medals in this league.

Bry...you should get on that huh?

Dallas Clark Signs With Ravens

This is probably not a big deal, but the Ravens brought in Dallas Clark, who was good when he was 5 years younger and had Peyton Manning as his QB.  At 34 and with Joe Flacco as his QB, I'm guessing not so much.  But the Ravens need help.  Dennis Pitta is out for the year.  Ed Dickson has been fighting a hamstring injury.  There's no promising rookie to dream on.  So Dallas Clark it is.  Good luck with that.

It's Too Damn Hot!!!

Where does one find an air conditioner with a power ranger setting?

A New York Jets Icon Retires

When one thinks of the most famous plays in Jets history, they might think back to a win that shaped the NFL as we know it, Super Bowl III.  They may think of the New York Sack Exchange of the '80s.  Or maybe the Parcells Jets of the late '90s.

For me though, the play that stands out as a microcosm of the Jets franchise can be summed up in one word: Buttfumble.

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's time to take the "butt" out of the buttfumble.  Former Jets offensive lineman Brandon Moore has retired after 10 seasons in the NFL, all the with Jets.  He played many plays for the Jets in that time, but let's take a look at his finest moment - for without his butt, this could've never happened:

You can see the full video at Deadspin

Here it is with advanced audio:

Here it is with the Benny Hill music:

Here it is recorded off some guys TV:

Here it is as a GIF:

Here it is as a meme:

Here it is as a New York Post headline:

Here it is as a single-panel cartoon:

Here is the moment we almost lost Sanchez up Moore's ass:

And here's an American Icon thinking about an American Icon:

Thank You Brandon Moore.  You will not soon be forgotten.